Thanks bang tere liye!

Ketika orang miskin dan lemah sakit hati,

Mereka hanya terduduk menangis tidak berdaya.

Ketika orang2 kaya dan kuat sakit hati,

Mereka bisa menghancurkan seluruh sistem.

Tapi jangan bersedih, karena ada sebuah rahasia kecil terbaik dalam sakit hati ini.

Yaitu ketika orang2 baik sakit hati, maka mereka akan menyiapkan rencana baru, mencari cara lain, semakin teguh berjuang, semakin tulus berusaha.

Kita selalu bisa memilih jenis yang mana.

Sajak Ketika Sakit Hati

- Tere Liye

September 26, 2014 at 9:50am on Facebook :)

life; like a tyre.

am adapting changes.

yes. am looking back at my life. at my own storyline. 

i just realized that in 5 years recently, in this year; 2014, it seems repeating... not exactly repeating but there are some reminiscence matters occurred. the situation. but, in a different way and i have faith that Allah knows best. 

of people around me. 

i just realized. life is like that. there are people we can have their hands on our back when it's a hard time for us to respond the responsibility. and we can't expect everyone to do that for us. yes. am saying that there are people who doesn't really care to scratch our back when we have to respond to our responsibility for that their wants and wills are not aligned with the responsibility we need to respond to. and again, yes, am sad. 

of the what-so-ever-happened made me sad. 

i just realized that, some things happened that caused me to be sad which were of sickening humans' attitude were me in the past. the meaning is i did some those sickening attitude towards others in the past. thus, it's a cash-payment i'd say. T^T and i know to not repeat the wrongdoings as long as am in this conscious iman state. 

in addition, no matter how sad i am, i should not forget there are others who has worst events in their life and they have to bear more excruciating pain compared to me. thus, it's strengthen the emotional fragility. i remembered one song lyrics by Mirwana G9, 

Allah tests us often
with suffering and with sorrow
not to punish us
but to help us meet tomorrow

have faith. keep doing our best. keep improving. 

O ye who believe! seek help with patient perseverance and prayer; for Allah is with those who patiently persevere.

(2:153) 

Or do ye think that ye shall enter the Garden (of bliss) without such (trials) as came to those who passed away before you? they encountered suffering and adversity, and were so shaken in spirit that even the Messenger and those of faith who were with him cried: "When (will come) the help of Allah." Ah! Verily, the help of Allah is (always) near!

(2:214)

 Kind words and the covering of faults are better than charity followed by injury. Allah is free of all wants, and He is Most-Forbearing.

(2: 263)

random no. 13 - pre-ramadhan version

88. father.

what happened to my classmate was that, he didn't have the opportunity to meet his father for the last time before the funeral. my friends and i learnt to prioritise our parents more than our own wants in life, whatever it is. (e.g.: we wanted to be posted far from our hometown which would not be in Peninsular of Malaysia, but our parents did not allow us to fill the states in the application form.)

before that sad event, i shared something about father's presence on Facebook. what had happened was, a sister who no longer has a father alive commented on the post. again, i learnt to not really share anything on Facebook blindly.

this year, one of my task in my happy circle was to deliver tazkirah. i chose hadith about orphans in Al-Adab. it was because that time, i came across quite number of students who no longer have a father. and i learnt that orphans; the real definition of anak yatim is for those who've lost the father who used to support the family. the leader of the family.

ummi, ayah, i hope to see you both again before this Ramadhan ends.

and i'll leave ummi ayah under Allah's guardianship just like you both leave me here in His guardianship since five years ago.


89. silaturrahim.

silaturrahim. one of the ways to preserve the tie is to do good towards everyone without hoping for a reply for the deeds. what i meant is hoping for them to do good back to us. ^_^

and, remember that, Allah hate people who cut off the tie. may Allah guide us through and through and guard us from His anger.


90. was not really prepared for Ramadhan this year. am adapting Ramadhan mood.

may Allah bless, people.


91.  So Real by Raef ft. Maher Zain.

Lyrics: Raef, Maher Zain & Bara Kherigi
Melody & Arrangement: Maher Zain
Director: Ross Ching
Producer: Don Le
Actress: Bushra Maghrabi
Dop: Gabriel Lewis
1st AD: Jon Crawford
1st AC: Michael Skor
2nd AC / DIT: Andy Chen
Gaffer: David Lassiter 
Key Grip: Raul Rivera 
Best Boy Electric: Chad Nagel
Best Boy Grip: Gabe Verdesoto
Dolly Grip for Slider: Spencer Smith
Art Director: Erin Riegel
Sand Castle Builder: Greg & Kathy Lebon / Archisand Professional Sand Sculptors, Inc
(http://www.socalsandcastles.com)
Stylist: Angelica Lee
Makeup/Hair: Eva Cortez
Key PA: Justin Vancho
PA: Sam Puefua
BTS Photo / Video: Steven Lam
Special Thanks: Line 204

So Real - Lyrics:

They say that love never lasts
That love never lives to see another day
But what I know deep down inside
It's what I feel and it's so real
I gave it up all for You
And there ain't nothing that I won't do
All I know deep down inside
It's what I feel and it's so real with You!

Chorus:
Allah, everyday I'll try to be as true as I can to You
'Cause loving You the best I can
Will always be my number one and only plan
Yes everyday I'll try to be as true as I can to You
'Cause loving You the best I can
Will always be my number one and only plan

They say: "You're out of your mind"
"Don't you know that love fades away?"
They say: "It only brings you pain!"
But what I feel is so real!
I gave it up and turned to You
'Cause I know what your love can do
O Allah open up our hearts
And make us feel how it's so real with You!

CHORUS

Dear uncle Lee,

Dear uncle Lee,

yes. uncle Lee who was on the same flight with me today. FY1001. his seat was 17D. KBR-PEN.

departed at 13:15. arrived at 14:10.

what's the story?

before the departure, i sat beside him. we talked about this and that. he has 2 sons who're an architect and a pilot for Singapore Airlines.

in short, he asked me whether i'm familiar with the place from the Penang airport?

i said no, ain't familiar. i would take a bus to jetty. he disagreed. he told me he would send me to jetty by his car (he was not doubtful to help because we're Kelantanese. =). so, i was, okay. he told me to wait for him after the landing because he would be taking his luggage.

what had happened was that i need to go the wash room immediately after the flight landed. i went to the ladies without telling him. i took some time to settle my business in there. when i got out of the wash room, yes, my eyes were looking for him. of course. hu. because i said i'll wait for him.

nevertheless, i couldn't find him.

kind-hearted uncle Lee, i was thankful to meet you. and yes i would be guilty if you thought that i escaped from you. hope to see you again. lucky that i asked your name. at least, i know, the uncle who was very concern and kind and wanted to help me was uncle Lee. i should've asked for your contact number. i should've snapped your picture. ^~^"

i reached the college safely at 19:00.

he told me to travel. at least as far as Singapore. i will, uncle, in the future. worry not.

if you, yes, you who's reading this entry happened to know this uncle Lee, please let him know this about this post. ^~^"

me,
the girl who's wearing brown shawl and denim dress.

random no. 10

68. before went home. after finished exam. i'd known that imma an adult. haha. yada. realized that ain't a kid that cries for being neglected and ain't young to be a participant or follower forever.

69. i had great time with teenage girls. well.. they're in early of their teen-ages. they're really testing my patience. and i learnt that there are children who will always quote their mother's to compare your actions. and they trust you as a teacher very much when it doesn't go against their mother's or daddy's.
being with them also made me feel... hmm.. well. i was the oldest that time. i was taking care of them. and i was insensitive to be concern about their health condition. imagine, they'd been suffering of diarrhea since morning, and i only knew that in the evening near dusk after being told, not out of my  observation. haihh..

70. know what... when we want to do something, and we do our best to do it and we have clear intention of doing it, we put our priority within what Allah likes and what He forbids us, masha Allah. insya Allah, He's all there for us. try to reflect our life in this year 2013. is there any events we feel it's like miracle? if we did, istighfar and say alhamdulillah. ^_^

71. driving. there are two challenges which are testing my patience and testing my egomania characteristics. for me, it's very annoying if u're on the right lane and u're not speeding up. then, it's the same if u're changing ur directions without signals. haha. i don't mind if u're overtaking me if u mind the two things i'd mentioned. =p
and i haven't finished my B2 license biz. ~_~

72. finished three novels so far after ar-raqaiq. started cahaya di atas cahaya, though. reading oki's piece triggers me to have the intention to further my studies at Ummul Qura!! hmmmm....

73. am happy. about something. because there's a reason for dia to text me. *sounds desperate, i know* but am happy.

74. am annoyed. two different events. and i have done my declaration. i am training myself to be a person who left the said things behind for something bad. if i say i wanna stop, please, leave me alone. help me to stop. u think why did i declare? bcoz i hope u understand. so, don't disturb me. u think why did i apologize? bcoz i wanna let go the bad feelings and to forget. thus, please, don't even say anything about that particular issue anymore and it's worst for me if u're trying to explain more. sorry, i would be frozen if u did. to let go and to forget because i wanna maintain our relationship and i have realized my mistakes three.

a death and a newborn

September 9th, a death of a grandpa.
not my grandpa.
oh. am telling the story again.

i'm doing my teaching practice here, at the place. am staying with my partner's family. there're few others doing teaching practice at the same district with my partner and i. they rent a house nearby. in front of the house, there's a house. a sweet elderly couple were living there.
the first week or the second week, the uncle gave my friends roses. roses from the roses plants in front of his house. i took one and kept it in my record book. the uncle or the grandpa had a wife. his wife fell sick in the first few days we began our teaching practice. since my friends received the roses, i always asked the grandpa to take some. i usually take three or four roses. i dried them.
after 'Eid break, i once talked to a friend. i said that it's so sweet to see the grandpa hanging the washed clothes to dry them at the porch. ^_^ we thought about the elderly sweet couple... what if one of them gone first...?
and then, two weeks ago, when i was to accompany my friend at the house, the kind-hearted grandpa gave us some coconut juice. he plucked the coconuts himself. and i took some roses, few days later, which was on September 8th. he was at the front door. i, shy-shy cat asked for some roses again.
at the night,.... i slept tightly. in the morning, my partner read an SMS. he's gone.
i was... shocked. not to believe it. i cried.
i hadn't done any kindness toward them. T_T
in the afternoon, i went to the house. visited the grandma. she's okay. she wasn't crying. but, she did tell us she still remembers the grandpa. yeah. they lived together. only two of them. the grandpa ate with her. bought her food.... make sure she eats medicine prescribed...
i... i just took the roses...
two days ago, i stayed there. there're some roses. blooming beautifully. i don't have the heart to take them, anymore. no more...
al-fatihah.

Yesterday, September 16th, newborn of the first nephew in the family.
he was born at 12:20p.m.
that's all i knew about the baby.
the mother calls her son يوسف.
alhamdulillah.

i was so sad that tears filled up my eyes for almost every time i remember about the grandpa
i was so cheerful that i can't stop myself smiling looking the baby's picture
death
newborn
LIFE.

Nihlah.

3 years.

mukhayyam.

different themes. back to sirah.

Badar Kubra. can't remember at all what did i feel... need to flip my diaries...

Tabuk. pre-ramadhan. wasn't ready.

this year, with name of 'nihlah'. when i saw this word, i just remember one of my sister's friend. i wonder why 'nihlah'?

i asked organizer what does it mean by nihlah? ok. i need to search myself.
i found it. it means 'free gift'... but, i wonder what relies under that meaning? hu.

Nihlah. in Ramadhan. in between teaching practice phase....

alhamdulillah. alhamdulillah.

participants were divided into three groups.
each group got a story of sahabah or tabi'in.
my group got a tabi'in's story. guess who?

al-Hasan al-Yasar or well known with Hasan al-Basri.

taking 'ibrah from the story... we actually had gone through Hasan al-Basri's story in our happy circle.
there is one remarkable point for me i would like to share here.
one fact about myself, people in our happy community call it as 'anak-pak-cik-mak-cik'.
as i grow up on this path, i never understand why should sisters respond like,

"bertuahnya..."

"wahh bestnyaa...."

"beruntungnya awak!"

and there will be some expectations that i don't like because i don't like expectations in general.
because of that, i never reveal the fact unless being asked or revealed by others i had to verify. reluctantly.
i couldn't accept for some responses sounded like,

"senang pergi program..."

"senang belanja untuk program..." 

because life test is different for different human. 

i won't elaborate more about my negative respond toward the fact. 

the point of story of Hasan al-Basri that i, alhamdulillah, given the light to see what can i relate to me? 

Hasan al-Basri was born near to people who were near to Rasulullah s.a.w. 

Hasan al-Basri was named by Rasulullah's wife, Ummu Salamah. 

he grew up for 14 years with Ummul Mu'minin. he got the chance to learn from sahabah like 'Ali and Abu Hurairah (if i'm not mistaken. pls check) it's stated that he even played at Ummul Mu'minin's house that he touched the ceiling of the house. 

one of the sisters gave emphasis of this part of the story that Hasan al-Basri was very lucky to have the good condition (read: bi'ah solehah) since he was born. 

that moment, i realized and  remembered. yeah. i also was too amazed by Anas bin Malik's story that he could be with Rasulullah s.a.w. since young. 

thus, i asked myself, why do we feel that way toward sahabah? 

then, out of sudden, is it the same why do they respond that way toward 'anak-pak-cik-mak-cik' fact? 

......

the negative in me reduced. 

it's actually beyond the responses i mentioned above about the easiness. it's beyond that. 

as my heart pinched, i thanked Allah.

how i have overlooked all the ni'mah from Him. in my life.

i thanked Allah  for everything. everything i have denied. 

and i hope, sisters, please be positive regardless 'anak-pak-cik-mak-cik' or what. life test is different between human. we unite because of islam.

during the programme, we were asked our favourite surah in the Qur'an and our favourite sahabah. 

i was thinking about  al-Insyirah.. but, when others mentioned al-Insyirah, i wanted a different one. i thought  about at-Tin... then one of us mentioned at-Tin either. then, i determine in my heart for why i chose at-Tin. :) the phrase "ahsani taqwim" in the surah. :)

sahabah... okey. before that. we got our name tags. we're encouraged to write our names in Arabic. 

thus, i texted ayah because i don't know how should i spell mine. is it sad with wau? or is it sad without wau? my question to ayah, 

"ayah, when u named me, is it because of sahabiah's name or is it because of the meaning 'pure' like ahli sufi?"

ayah answered me,

"sempena nama isteri nabi sebab ayah ummi suka sangat dengan isteri nabi yang cerdik dan bijak tu :)" 

now, i know how to spell ^_^

"patutnya ada rumman kat belakang tu :)"  

i replied: "nak tukar ejaan nama dan tambah nama la nnt~"

proceed to favourite sahabah.. i was thinking about taking Safiyyah as my one because i admired Safiyyah; Rasulullah's aunt in one war. but, i once fell for Khadijah deeply heartily. he.he. one of the factor in the song, "Zammilooni"... :) so, i told the sisters, Khadijah even though others mentioned Khadijah either (because there are Khadijah for their own  names!). ^_^
but, next time, i  would say Safiyyah. since it's my name! ^_^ i will search more stories of both Safiyyah; Rasulullah's wife and Rasulullah's aunt. :) insya Allah.

indeed, may Allah forgive me in this Ramadhan. and you too.

phase 2: maghfirah.

sadaqallahul 'adzim. 

kisah kecewa di Ji'ranah.

baris-baris ayat yang ingin aku kenang:
1. Jangan pula sampai kekecewaan menyeret kita pada devisit iman dan juga devisit emosi.
2. Hanya kekuatan imanlah yang mampu menjaga kita dari penyikapan yang salah saat kecewa.
3. Jika bukan karena iman, kekuatan apa yang mampu menghadirkan kesadaran setelah kekecewaan? 

cerita penuh: http://www.pkspiyungan.org/2013/06/dari-jiranah-kita-belajar-mengelola.html

june 14th.

what happened on June 14th was that, i took JPJ test for the second time in my life.

i wasn't so nervous initially. hm. this time, the test for B2.

but, all the way through taking the test, i have this BIG QUESTION in my mind,

why am i taking this?

why am i doing this?

for the D-license, i have concrete, strong and relevant reasons for taking it.

for B2, i can't find a reason that can make me feel blessed.

yada, even ummi and ayah were reluctant to give me the permission taking the license for B2. yea, i have the thought of not being blessed by them taking this one.

the test consists of two parts. i failed the part where we have to go through a bridge? okey. it's 'titi'. i was almost pass that part, but before i pass, my left leg touched the ground. there it went, this is bad.

the BIG QUESTION haunted me. it haunted me together with a frustration inside.

yeah. i know. turn to Allah. u would say, aite?

so far, the D-license have caused me to contribute so much things to people around me. and am grateful for that.

therefore, i ain't giving up for B2. i'm halfway already. i'll end it sweetly, may Allah allow it to happen. i hope, this fate of B2 with me promising me a 'useful' me in the future.

and, it's 11/08/1434. 18 or 19 days toward Ramadhan.

am saying this to my very own self,

kullu sanah wa antum ilallahi aqrab!

am older. should be wiser.


 and yet, i once wished to go for a B license. end.

and one of my beloved updated her blog, i would take her entry as a special entry for me. heee. since it's special for me, here you go, something special to be shared with you:
http://kasehtania.blogspot.com/2013/06/final-exam-sem-2-1213.html 

random no. 9

61.
Walau hujan badai kan terus melanda
Walau amuk gelombang tak henti menerjang
Walau terang mencegah, walau mentari kan membakar
Jangan letih menapaki kehidupan

Ujian bagaikan terik sinar sang surya...
Hadir kedunia bersama berjuta karunia...
Janganlah bertekuk lutut dalam pelukan putus asa...
janganlah bersimpuh dihadapan duka...

hadapilah segala tantangan...
sambutlah harimu dengan suka cita...
hadapilah segala ujian...
dalam kesulitan pasti ada kemudahan...

by: shoutul harokah

my credit goes to that person who just returned from 'Amman. he keeps playing this song and his alarm is this song!


62.
went to Zoo Negara with Ahmad, Muhammad and 'Ali. with my 'uniform' usually i wear at home or in personal transport. when i said i'm selekeh, that Ahmad replied, "all Islam asks to cover 'aurah..." okay! ha-ha. dush!

i found it's not interesting to go to zoo.

but, while eating ice cream with Muhammad and 'Ali before we went back, i was thinking about the zoo.

yeah. i found that actually i can do something that make me a better servant to Allah.
zoo means plenty of Allah's creatures. all the beautiful. all the cute. all the wild. all the big and tall animals! how proud was i....

and yeah. i actually should observe what's in the zoo.
children and zoo are familiar. am going to be with children, ain't i? that forgotten and proud me again...

in a conclusion, think before i feel. i've wasted my time at the zoo without doing something meaningful! :'(

and am sorry to Muhammad and 'Ali that i didn't bring my camera and didn't ask from Ahmad his camera to snap some pictures of you both! bad sister. 

63.
it's about passion. 8 hours journey. i didn't realise that it's more than two hours! :)
"weren't you afraid or scared?"
"eh? afraid? scared? of what?"
"if you took wrong road..."
"no.... we can turn around if we took wrong road..."

ngeeeeeeeeeeeee. and i'm a morning person.


64.
my lovely bluish sentimental the second was sick.
"operating system can't be found"

i was just... okay.... 

then, sent it to the place where i took it.

after returned from Selangor, it's at ayah's place.

turned it on.

huh? okey. nothing inside.  okay. restless.

no sentimental pictures.
no sentimental values.

yes, i don't have external hard disk! +.+

i was like.... it took me quite a time to get my feet back on the ground with a heart and soul.

later, this thought came into my brain.

you get it back with nothing inside. it's like purifying. doesn't it? you can restart all over again. reinstall all the good stuff for your soul. don't give a dirt into it. you should download Omar Series! Fetih! ehe. you can search again all the ebooks for your soul. won't you? still remember when you lost that Nokia? you have the pros for losing it, right? please, lighten your spirit!! you're not nothing here.


65.
MyGMJ.

cousins; E, Luq, bro in law; abe Syim, Momo, Aman

Masjid Negeri, Shah Alam

things i got... the third brooch i bought since i've lost it twice.

maybe, flashmob.. maybe. haha

credit: Ahmad's blackberry. :P


66.
today. less than 24 hours - time at home. hee. about 24 hours Junaid has gone to his hostel. i miss him. hahah. Junaid!
days with the five younger bros. growing up to be taller and bigger than me.
am losing my appetite. kohf2. it's okey. after nine days, i'll be back. insya Allah! heh.
the best excuse; i've to see the doctor!! =p


67.
school.
something i can't describe with words.
but, i really want to do something. i need to do something. regardless all the trouble i'd known.

lapar.

ahaha. x leh blah punya tajuk.

okey.

this sem break, am restless and reckless. helpless either. 0.o

just now, i was hungry. so, i decided to search for any burger stall by the road side. then, i would like to eat the burger watching something exciting. haha. like mat rempit racing on the road without concerning other road users and red traffic lights. or river cruise at Kelantan River << very ridiculous at such hour.

after bought a double burger, i went to the main city. along the way, i had thought if nothing interesting there, i would go to WCY. maybe i could enjoy shopping scenes there. heh.. as i turned right, near the dental clinic, woahhha... cars. okey. something is happening in the stadium. absolutely. i SMS my friend, K. Wa. haha.

i could see youngsters standing-laying-against-sitting on the steel bar. i stopped beside the cars parked there. lowing the volume of the radio. took my burger. open the window as narrow as possible but could allow the noise in the stadium to come in.

"Ayuh ayuh ayuh kelateku malam ini kita mesti menang!"

haha. full of spirit. yes. i enjoyed listening to the cheers. watching the young boys-to-men raising their hands up with the flags muffler everything to show their support.

i think, i want to experience watching one soccer match of TRW... but, ... i don't like crowds. arr... maybe someday. i can follow my brothers. hee...

urm... near the stadium, there is a hospital. hu.

there might be situations like:

stadium: one team won the game and one team lose the game.

hospital: innalillahi wa inna ilaihi roji'un. or welcome to the world, baby!

^_____________^

hm. another thing, after about one month i neglected my blogs, i feel like giving up my blogs. all. but, ahha. i still can't. because my blogs are where i spill what i can't in the FB and i feel like sharing, badly. hee..!

i'd quit plurk for 2 months. not thinking seriously to join twitter or any such things.

i lived without internet about 1 week and half. i feel like deactivating FB. haha. for good. for-ever. but, maybe after i grad i can do that. just 1 year and half to go.

ok. overlapping activities.

jaa.

smoky love?

smokers.
you don't love people around you when you smoke freely near them.

you lie. truly lie.
if you say you love them, at the same time you're smoking there.

LIARs.

and you know the facts of being a smoker and your effects toward others.

UBAH!!! ini kalilah, bro!

**i'll be rather disappointed that i people i look up to are smokers. that's so s**t. oh. tercemar blog saya. 

half of February; sweet.

spelling February reminded me of my wrong spelling in the working paper. haha. what a bad secretary was i... (ok.. i haven't done the report!! -_-") 

for the first time, i arrived home on the same day with the last day of academic lecture. it was  Friday.

ayah said this before i off to Butterworth two days ago,

"my driver is going off..."

ehe. i updated my work at Facebook profile. haha. proud. of course. a daughter's pride. can i say that? :) or... maybe only-me-middle-daughter-syndrome. -_-" the most rebellious. krik3

i fetch ummi on the night i just arrived.
i drove ayah and ummi to two kenduris

the meaningful four days at home. <3 p="">
went to Seremban. for the first time. quite embarrassed to act like foreigners. hahaha. and the Nikon L23 made scenes. the battery's flat. -_-

and i don't know i was so excited to see a car with AqsaSyarif sticker? >.<

Junaid's and Ahmad's birthday have passed. haha.

happy belated birthday to both of them.

 anymore?

there're assignments to be done~

reports... okey.

bittaufiq wannajah everyone!

i love home.
i love room.
i  love me.
for don't send myself, nor go to doom.
strive, struggle and ask for heaven, instead. 

Random no. 6

In the name of Allah the most gracious, the most merciful.

39. numbers. i remember in the previous year, people were so amazed by the date 20122012. or 10/11/12. something like that. out of sudden, my thought came to that, those amazing number sequence actually happens in our daily lives. isn't it? where? the answer is, in TIME. ^_^ knock my head too. sure. bird flies, we can see. time flies, we don't see. please cough now. haha.

40. of being a secretary. yeah. i just really don't like to be secretary. but, life goes on. for more than once, i'd been a secretary. i just forgot that, i got that trait in my blood. yeah. dad is a secretary too, in a way. >.< i just found that, i really in tarbiyyah of being a secretary. huhu. i was so liberal... i think, after gave it into a deep thought.

41. Daurah Tullab. write down every event that happened in your life. especially those you found tarbawi value in it. >.<

42. YES4G. i'm in debt. T_T" i need to read the rules and regulations thoroughly and ask the centre about it. because i'm quite confuse with the how they calculate the bills for the post-paid package and for the prepaid package too. i will terminate the post-paid one. can't afford it. -_-"

43. i used to be asking for cards from people around me. normally, the cards meant to be birthday cards, congratulation cards or greeting cards, generally. but, nowadays, we ask for invitation cards! to be specific, wedding invitation cards. haha. am collecting as much as i can for this year. i've received one this year. the invitation cards do make me feel old. grown-ups. huhu. how can't i, when marriage is another indicator of being an adult? ^_^"

44. really want to update this blog and another blog. but, thinking of the length of time spent by me updating blogs, halted me to do so. since, i actually have other obligations need to be fulfilled.

Rabbuna yusahhil.

 45. currently reading Ar-raqaiq. ;') and finishing Jane Austen's popular piece Pride and Prejudice that bought two years ago. -_-" and also Harun Yahya's pieces bought two years ago three! >.<

random no. 5

31. i have found in which part of contribution insya Allah i can do for this community. i would like to go for being with the teens and community service. :)

the first reunion for my junior in SRI Aman batch 14. i was happy to get to know them. may Allah bless their effort. may they see the beauty of ukhuwah inside the reunion. i just really wanna go back to the school and do something.

32. my journey returning to the campus was... it began with that i just missed my ticket on the table in the living room. i forgot for my mineral water for the journey.

33. blood. ahah. i had experienced my first time donating blood. i was very excited to know my blood group! that was my real intention when i let the doctor took my blood in March 2012. i didn't tell the doctor i wanted to know my blood group. i just told her that i wanted to make a blood test. ehe. blame me.

thus, on the Dec 27th, Aqsa Syarif Kelantan had organized 'Semarak Gaza' at KBMall. i was involved. then, i found HUSM doing the donating blood activity? campaign? upstairs. i was soooo hilarious. aha.

one day later, i went to KBMall again. i was not so serious since i was just hoping to know my blood group. but, when this question came to me, "how old are you?"
i was... okay. she doubted my age. i grinned and answered her question. i too thought, maybe she just got instinct that i just wanted to play around. ahah!!! when they asked me my weight, i was trying to escape by hoping that my weight won't allow me  to donate my blood.

i was so lucky that my weight just increased and that i could donate my blood. there u go.

i got to know my blood group. O. ^_^ rhesus is positive.

i was happy. but, i was frustrated when k. arina told me that O- that can donate to everyone. -_-"
i thought myself, tula... dulu belajar Biology main-main!!! bab sel je kau hafal semua kan... bab darah-darah mana kau hafall~

i was  worried when the nurse said she wasn't confident to inject the thing to take out my blood because my blood capillary? vessel? artery? is small and near to the tendon. i figured out that in March the doctor took the blood from my right hand.

Muhammad was with me when i was donating my blood. he looked at blood running out of my left hand. i wished i can record that or at least snapped a picture. ahah.

34. went to Johor. heh. i was so in Tentang Dhiya by Syud when i was trying to search for the setting of place in the novel. yeah. i saw the signboard to go to SK Nong Chik. went to Danga Bay. hahaha. thanks ayah. visited the little Aynie Munirah. then, gotta know little information about leukemia. AML, ALL. chemo. got opportunity to drive in Mersing. thanks again ayah for your trust. i took that as an honour. >.< visited the Taman Buaya near the Pasir Gudang port, i guess.

home. the morning we left it for Johor.

how the water drops clear the mirror yet it didn't get wet.

Kg. Wak Leman if i'm not mistaken.

i'm an adult. >.<

the dusk from the window of Masjid Sultan Abu Bakar JB, ladies' section.

Danga Bay. i don't really like it, after all. :)

35. i went to a village near to the river. ahaha. my home is actually already near the river. but, i just... wanted to be at a place far away from anyone knowing my family members; far or near. however, still, i just couldn't touch the river water. even to look at the river!!!

this is not yet the river... T_T

please rotate this yourself. ahah. bianata.

very insensitive.. =_=" go green please.

i wish that i have the gut to run through the bushes and reach near the river!!!

browny greens.

36. i had involved with Aqsa Syarif... okay. i just don't know what to say. what to express. how to express with words about this. but, i was happy and i know i have to and want to improve myself for this ummah.

the memories.

37. i just have to find a new pair before it's too late.

38. back to school. all the best Ali Akmal and Muhammad. i hope Muhammad won't experience negatively being compared with others in the family.

i almost write my own name. =.="

just sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo... smart.

the only elder sister left to be the writer.

unintentionally wrote ayah's name first. =.="

that's all. this is long enough i think after promised in two entries before this. i just couldn't help myself to get an update this blog before 2012 end. :)

random no. 4

actually i wanted to write a post about J.O.M only. but, after delaying delaying and delaying, the feelings of writing the post with the happy heart faded away. ^_^

28. last week, before off to the Northern Part of Peninsular Malaysia, i tried to cook something delicious. but, the result of my trial wasn't delicious. i was very frustrated. haha. i won't try over that again. it was durian crepe. what is more, after J.O.M, a friend of mine uploaded hers! her durian crepes looked ok. T_T congrats to her. huuu... pictures? i ain't gonna upload them for this entry. keep them for next entry of worldless wednesday.

29. J.O.M. what's that? stands for Journey of Muslims.

banner for the program. nice! ahah.

it's part 5 for brothers. for sisters,  it's the first one. alhamdulillah. everything went well. initially, i refused to join because this time they're going to the North. i'm studying there. so, i felt like, would it be the same? ohoh. ARROGANT me.

but, my teacher coaxed me to go. just few lines. ohoh. yeah. i'm makan pujuk jenis orang.

first three: morning from the peak of Titiwangsa to Sg. Petani
last two: dusk at Kuala Perlis

it was never the same. the journey.... personally, this journey.. how to describe... it's just... ok. meaningful. precious. ohoh.

i saw the beauty of ukhuwah there.

war museum. never be there before, even though studying in Seberang Perai.

i felt the happiness of looking at people i'd known since in the childhood walking in the path of DnT. together. yeah. my tears did gather through the journey.

the participants mostly were the juniors  from the secondary school i attended. knowing them, being with them, made the heart.. in Malay i said it perasaan semangat menggebu-gebu bahagia. like cotton candy.

i learnt so much through J.O.M. alhamdulillah. alhamdulillah. alhamdulillah.

because before i join J.O.M i felt it's like trouble (it's not because of joining the J.O.M actually.. huhu), then, i found it's the better best.. i had this phrase along the journey with me, blessing in disguise. 

30. 2 days ago. i was watching TV. it was before 6 p.m. ayah suddenly invited me to follow him to go to the durian orchard. i wanted~~ but i was reluctant because the drama i'd been following about to start. -_-" ayah said, "sampai bila tak habis tunggu cerita tu..." eheh. expected. so, ok. i went. with Junaid, Muhammad and ayah.

let's go~

walking to collect durian, i was like... i felt like going to a camping site. haha. the experience of mukhayyam (camping) in the previous July came into my mind. the orchard seems like that; jungle. ohoho.

after durians collected, i asked ayah to go near the river bank.

 ^______^ i wish i could go nearer and touch the water.

last, let's go home.

#ihavetosearchforrecordingoftoday'sMHIsinceididn'twatchthatupdatingthisblog. omg.

random no. 2

we'll always love You. hu.

that's number ten.

ok.

11. jet lag. yeah. even i'm not studying abroad, when i return home, since the 'eid Fitr break few months ago, i tell myself, i am jet lag in my hometown. the first thing i jet lag is the road system. yada. due to the construction and city development.. Raya break, that time, i just  missed that one junction had turned into a one-way road. this time, i found that i just forgot the traffic light near my school old building. from a way, that road, you can't turn right, i just did last week Sunday. then, near a road to go to my primary school, divider appeared to be there. o my. lucky me that i didn't think to do something crazy like at the traffic light!

the second thing is prayer time. in the Northern part of Malaysia, i recognised that, there, we got prayer time later than in Darul Naim. hmmm... so, i was quite... i just need... it's like... like this... when i live in the Northern Part, i will prepare myself for dusk at this time, but in my hometown, i just need to be earlier. aha. jet lag. ok? although it's just minutes that differ, still, am jet lag. :P

finally, the weather. now, i'm writing about the weather. at the hostel, i lived at the third floor. the hostel surrounded by hills. oh. it's down the hill, in a way. surrounded by green scenery though one of the hills now brown-orange. bald. so, i'm saying, there, i was comfortable. with the temperature in the room. ok. nice. outside the room, on the ground, my skin still felt the pain by sun light ok?  when i arrived home for this break, i found that, at night, it's just too hot. o my. too warm. yes. after near one week, i told ummi. then, ummi answered me that we have less trees around our home now. and, when i was typing about my jet lag toward the road system just now, i just realized, the development actually contributed to the temperature changes in my home, too, right! so, my pride to look at the road building decreased. i love nature more.

12. boycott. i support boycott. i was trained educated about boycotting israel since i was young; as far as i remember, since i was in early secondary school. and i have my faith in boycott. last evening, ummi and i fetch Momo at KB. then i was like looking forward to see the condition of McD in our city... ummi told me, we don't have McD in Kota Bharu. it's moved to Wakaf Che Yeh. i asked, even in Tesco, no McD? ummi said, no. ok. that made me relieved. and am proud that KB has no McD. pfft.
 we are not Tesco's customers either. am proud of it.
ok. after i googled McD in KB, i just forgot other places. KB Mall. -_-" hahaha. boo. Jalan Tok Hakim. Taman Sekebun Bunga. ding dong. ah!! *frust*


13. kids. i really want to practice myself to be communicating with them. but, i found that i can't perform with people who knows my family members. i can't perform when i'm near my family. i don't know. but this syndrome is getting on my nerve more more more and more when i'm getting older. not only regarding of communicating with kids la, anything about performing my skills or anything in the same meaning or scope. am sorry.

14. DnT. i just feel these entries;
http://bulatansyurga.blogspot.com/2012/11/wahai-ukhti.html
http://syafiqahrahmat.blogspot.com/2012/11/hijab.html
http://imagining-life.blogspot.com/2012/11/wake-up-call.html

15. i found that Rudy Hirdy's pieces; Aku Bukan Nabi, Dia Bukan Nabi are like male chauvinism? hehe. but, i like the story. :)

16. visit Iman and her baby girl named Aisyah! oho. 2 A.M. tomorrow, they're going back to Jordan. have  a safe journey Iman and her baby and her mother. :)

jaa.

random no. 1

these captured my sight that day. subhanallah.

1.
blog. just to tell you, i'd changed the font type for two blogs of mine. i just feel like to be more formal.

2.
i went to Selangor for three days. Rawang; Rawang Perdana 1 & Kota Bidari. Bandar Seri Putera.  i wish i could have gone  to Taman Tasek. :'|

3.
i had browsed one of next year course proforma on the first day i arrived home. (>.<) i found the topics are not my cup of tea. again. rabbuna yusahhil.

4.
today, after or before going to riadhah with my sweet akhawat, i saw Syed Abdul Kadir Al-Jofree. ok. i only know him through TV and internet. so, i googled his name. ok. now, i know why he's here, in this city. :)  

5.
i was in the MPV with ummi, ayah, 'Ali and Junaid. we're on the way to Rawang. Muhammad asked me,
"Yah, do u know the meaning of Al-Bayyinah?"

i was... yada. i couldn't answer that question! what a shame. and, that just meant for me to seek for knowledge more and more. ummi saved me. ummi answered the question. *cry*

6.
i am giving up on driving. and yes, i found it's irritating to drive when i don't have my passengers' trust in me. either trust for my driving skills or for how i make the wheel moving (using the vehicle).... i too can't really drive properly when i am disturbed emotionally. when i find you are doubting my driving, i won't drive you. sorry. yes. i'm dependent to your trust toward me. so, please don't ask me to drive when you don't trust me in any aspect.
yeah. i found two types of people speaking of this thing. i won't elaborate here. b'coz ain't whining~ it's some kind of frustration. yes. i am that person who's easily frustrated when i find human don't trust me. no, i don't blame you.

7.
books influenced me. so much. much. much. i maybe a reader who takes points in a book bluntly. but, i believe that the author doesn't simply write. so, authors out there, if you find me reading your book, please take my words, i trust you. ok. there're writers i don't really believe in. yeah. when the story is just illogical. the plot is not well planned. typical. over-loaded with fantasy. then, i can't accept that. ok. i'm criticizing you, writers!! shoot me now.

8.
parents should be aware that children are influenced by them. parents, people who have custody to take care of any child should be aware of their influence. the way the parents/guardians act toward their spouses too affects the child, it may not be physically, but mentally and emotionally. thus, be careful. the child maybe a toddler, kid, teenager or even an adult.

9.

i captured this tree. when my akhawat arrived to fetch me, one of them captured the picture of this tree  too.

 
i asked her, why this tree?

she gave me simple answer, interesting.

before i captured this, i was thinking about this tree. yes. just like the sister  said, it's interesting.

for me, it's interesting as the (believe me, i just googled to know parts of tree) trunk, branches look dry. isn't it? but, it still producing beautiful flowers. at the tip of the branches. high. looking up to the sky. it's just, masha Allah.in additional, there on the ground surrounding the trunk, that is the house of termites...

i tried to link the condition of the tree to my current life. to myself. urm.

that's all.

happy holiday! (to me :P)

insya Allah, will be updating more entries. :)

it's 2.30 A.M.

bismillah.

i can't sleep. :-s even yesterday, at this hour too, i was forcing myself to be sleeping in the bed. rolling to left. then, to the right. until i just fell asleep unconsciously. my day began with a tiring feeling since i forced my brain to sleep. yes. i found that way to sleeping is tiring. don't you? :-s

okeh. since i can't sleep, i think i should use this time to update this blog. actually, i'd planned to update after the first paper.

to compare my 'eid in zulhijjah to the previous year, alhamdulillah. this year i'd experienced the better one. :)

yeah. my entry in last year (click) didn't really describe my 'eid by words. i only uploaded two photo collages. coloured and black and white versions.

thus, in this entry... er. how to start?

i actually planned to celebrate this 'eid with my beloved usrahmate, k.mimi in her village at Bukit Tembaga. but, at the eleventh hour, i'd received a message that we'd another hour to be spent with the lecturer.......... i was... hm. pasrah is the word in Malay. what to do. hu. it's okay.

i stayed here in the campus with other friends. yeah. there're many others of my classmates, batchmates, campusmates were here in the campus. ^_^ no woes.

my classmates and i, immediately planned something to do on the day of 'eid. we went to the mall to buy groceries to cook our 'eid food. ah-ha. we planned to make Nasi Lemak for 'eid breakfast and Soto for dinner. :)

what is more, what made me so lighten up was that most of us had the excitement and desire to perform 'eid prayer this time. i was so happy. we put efforts for it. may Allah guard us from sins on the day of 'eid.

after the 'eid prayer, we brought the food we'd cooked to the TV room (where we watch TV in the hostel).

our sambal didn't have garlic. we only managed to provide hot lemon tea for ourselves. pandan leaves plucked from my hostel center yard. banana tree's leave plucked from another block of hostel backyard. and, yes. we break the college rules. ~

oh. the first thing made me felt this 'eid experience precious was that on the first night of 'eid, i heard the sounds of takbir from the campus surau. the absence of takbir sounds was one of the reasons i felt so empty in the previous year. ^_^

 if u're to ask me, why are you very concern about the takbir? urm. i don't know how to explain this with the reference of hadith or anything related to textual evidence in this deen. urm. but, in the previous year 'eidul-fitri celebration i found myself frustrated i couldn't really do the takbir on my own. and for 'eidul fitri, it's short time limit to takbir. so, i was looking forward for 'eidul-adha. b'coz after the 'eidul-adha, we've Tasyriq days. that means we've extra days for takbir on the Tasyriq days. ^_^ to hear the takbir is my excitement, at this moment. alhamdulillah. :) thus, for this year, in Malaysia, we have about 15 hours to go for 'eid takbir. :)

in the afternoon of Zulhijjah 10th, my friends received calls and SMS telling us we got some food from our beloved batchmate living in Guar Perahu. the durian crepe was very delicious!

we finished the food after 'asr. so, we assumed that was sufficient to be counted as dinner. yeah. i too was so full! and i think it's barakah that our stomach really took those food as dinner. (i didn't ask my friends regarding this, but it seemed that nobody asked for dinner at the night.) :)

we postponed the Soto plan for the next day breakfast.

our Soto. the soup got chicken flavour with no chicken! kohf. kohf. garlic... at last. ^_^ for the sambal before, we finished cooking the sambal before 'eid prayer. the garlic, we took after the 'eid prayer. hu. bergedil. can't really be called as bergedil since no meat mixed with the potato. so, i named them as potato cakes. :D

so, that's it. i think i have written the points i wanted to highlight for my 'eid in this Zulhijjah. :)

for those who asked me,

"why didn't you return to your hometown for 'eid?" 

or anything with the same meaning.

i don't have a direct answer for that inquiry. honestly. it's just my feeling i don't wanna go back. nervous for examinations is one of the feelings. urm. and this time, it doesn't have any relation to my escapism plan. :D no. it's not escapism. my sisters; Yummy, Lala and Yiba didn't return either. Ahmad, definitely wasn't coming home.

and, deep inside, i do miss home. kohf. kohf. within these two-three days, i too did feel uneasy toward ummi and ayah for not going back home. er... but, i can't promise that i will be home for next year. because i did make du'a to experience better 'eid in Zulhijjah again here. err... i did tell myself, don't expect too much and don't be too ambitious. :)

urm. in this Zulhijjah, i was disturbed by unknown numbers. :( what a test of life. within this one week, there're already two. i'm not asking for more.

urm. every time i feel i'm disturbed with those disturbance related to  ikhtilat thingy, i say this line,
"stop playing games with my heart". yeah. a line from a song by BSB. and i too will remember this quote of k.'Aisyah Amaran, 2011 - Itu dulu. Nak katanya : JAGA IKHTILAT terutama bila sesuatu "mengerumuni" hati.
and i realized that i didn't really jaga my ikhtilat currently. tett. ok. that's it.

my eyes still wide-open.

it's the morning of 'eid. Zulhijjah 10th, 1433. waiting for 'eid prayer. :)

oh.

i would like to express my gratitude to everyone who had involved in my 'eid experience this year. :) may Allah bless us.
may Allah guide us.
forever.
while we're alive.
may Allah live us with faith.
till we die.
may Allah take us while we're in the faith.
till we enter the Jannah. (amin! insya Allah)
may Allah put us in the Jannah with faith in us.
bittaufiq wannajah for the exams! :)

till then.