Thanks bang tere liye!

Ketika orang miskin dan lemah sakit hati,

Mereka hanya terduduk menangis tidak berdaya.

Ketika orang2 kaya dan kuat sakit hati,

Mereka bisa menghancurkan seluruh sistem.

Tapi jangan bersedih, karena ada sebuah rahasia kecil terbaik dalam sakit hati ini.

Yaitu ketika orang2 baik sakit hati, maka mereka akan menyiapkan rencana baru, mencari cara lain, semakin teguh berjuang, semakin tulus berusaha.

Kita selalu bisa memilih jenis yang mana.

Sajak Ketika Sakit Hati

- Tere Liye

September 26, 2014 at 9:50am on Facebook :)

unfriend.

i once unfriend people on Facebook. heh.

then, of course i add them back because they are my beloved of my heart.

it was just that i did not know when i blocked them on FB, after i removed them from the block list, i would be unfriend them automatically.

indeed, to add them back in the list was the hardest thing to be done.

it's between ego and doing the right things.

well. experiencing worst argument in life, taught me to know myself.

yes. i didn't think much while i was clicking on the 'block' word on FB.

later, after apologized and being able to rationalize things and also identified my faults too, shamelessly, i did not only re-add, i also told the person face-to-face.

and shamelessly, i wrote this history here.

and, to have spacious heart and soul really need to be tough. =D

and, i do think, life is not about blaming others. life is about how we survive.

oh. it's zulhijjah already!

yeay! two days left to go home for three days! ~_~

random no. 12

82. al-haya'. the characteristic of shy.
make sure u feel shy to Allah to feel shy because of human. i don't know if shy is literally equal to al-haya'.
my message is, doing something, check, if people see me doing this, what would i feel? ok. why should i feel that way? is there anything so wrong? is it allowed in islam? if it's syar'ie, i don't have anything to be shy or worried if people see me. :)

83. heart. feelings. why u're so uncontollable?! -_-"

84. B2. yada. the license. i've given it up. expired. the L one. so... i can't ride a bike now till Allah knows when. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

85. i don't like to be the shadow. i want to be seen as me. i want to be accepted as me. i want to be known as me. i want to be recognised as me. yes. the right sentence of my discomfort is i don't like to be the shadow. i need a place that is as spacious as a field, not under a tree. and i don't want to be a shade to others, as well. because flowers bloom their best with the sun's presence even though at a shady area. (now am manipulating you! :P)

86. mission: one book read in two days. this mission is not accomplished. and i just have two weeks to go back to the campus. and i don't wanna go back to the campus. T_T final year is scary.

87. went out with my younger bro and two male cousins.
they laughed at girls who are easily shaken when boys disturbed them with sweet-lovey-dovey or show extra concern to them. -_-"
in my heart, guys, that's why u don't need to do all those things. u need to help us to take care of our heart and feelings. T_T

Dear uncle Lee,

Dear uncle Lee,

yes. uncle Lee who was on the same flight with me today. FY1001. his seat was 17D. KBR-PEN.

departed at 13:15. arrived at 14:10.

what's the story?

before the departure, i sat beside him. we talked about this and that. he has 2 sons who're an architect and a pilot for Singapore Airlines.

in short, he asked me whether i'm familiar with the place from the Penang airport?

i said no, ain't familiar. i would take a bus to jetty. he disagreed. he told me he would send me to jetty by his car (he was not doubtful to help because we're Kelantanese. =). so, i was, okay. he told me to wait for him after the landing because he would be taking his luggage.

what had happened was that i need to go the wash room immediately after the flight landed. i went to the ladies without telling him. i took some time to settle my business in there. when i got out of the wash room, yes, my eyes were looking for him. of course. hu. because i said i'll wait for him.

nevertheless, i couldn't find him.

kind-hearted uncle Lee, i was thankful to meet you. and yes i would be guilty if you thought that i escaped from you. hope to see you again. lucky that i asked your name. at least, i know, the uncle who was very concern and kind and wanted to help me was uncle Lee. i should've asked for your contact number. i should've snapped your picture. ^~^"

i reached the college safely at 19:00.

he told me to travel. at least as far as Singapore. i will, uncle, in the future. worry not.

if you, yes, you who's reading this entry happened to know this uncle Lee, please let him know this about this post. ^~^"

me,
the girl who's wearing brown shawl and denim dress.

random no. 11

76. "ummi... WSU stands for?"
"Wichita state university... anything?"
"ooo... hehe. just wanna know. i thought it's me. hauauaua"
"perasan!!"


77. muhammad said,
"sunat pun masuk tv?"

"kahwin pun masuk surat khabar?"


78. "thus, we, as we understand the  issue, just keep silent and observe until we have the opportunity to voice out at the right time..."  *ibrah of the story of one khalifah.


79. *please use spongebob squarepants OST tune.

sapo alumni SRI/SMI Aman? 
saya! 

sapo belajar SRI/SMI Aman dulu?
saya!

alumni SRI/SMI Aman namo gapo?
KALAM!

jadi, sapo ahli KALAM?
SAYA! 

80. "sufiyyah zulkifli?"

"yes?"

"zulkifli or zulkafli or...?"

spelling. name.


81. looking forward the January 17th, night! travelling me. may Allah ease. may Allah ease. and i have and i want  to cherish the present. me and time. again. feeling falling down. like leaves. but leaves never hate the wind that causes them to fall (Tere Liye). 

short.

just finished reading the latest update at Muharikah.wordpress.com.

okey, this evening i wanted to attend the newly-growing happy family circle, but i think i can't manage to finish my revision by tonight if i don't revise now. er. okay. i'll update this entry as fast as i can. (am robbing my own time..>.< i know.)

it's just that, i was arranging my personal cert clear holder. then, i found the receipt for registration at ae.pee.ai.you.am. omo... that moment, i told myself. i will go there** someday. in the future. in literature, perhaps? insya Allah. i'll go there. but, literature, how can i use that as a tool in the big word called D-A-K-W-A-H? >.< (i also told myself, i need to draft my personal timeline again. it's been quite a time i don't look at the big picture of my timeline...)

so, it happened that i read the update at Muharikah. yes. the highlighted-big-issue in the update is D-A-K-W-A-H.

for me to ponder and explore.

okayh.

happy revising, self!

^_^

**the address on the receipt was the one in Lembah Pantai, KL. :)

hi September!

bismillah...

gile banyak isu sekarang ni.

minyak.

pendidikan.

cikgu posting sabah sarawak.

tak semangat kerja.

cikgu BI tak berkelayakan.

ada defensif aku kalau nak karang, tapi...

hm. lain kali mungkin?

takut, mungkin?

habis sudah tujuh minggu bertemankan tekanan perasaan untuk impress orang.

tak mahu impress orang. tapi diminta untuk buat sesuatu untuk impress mereka.

dan aku perlu buat untuk dapat markah. ngaaaaaa.. untuk dapat markah??????????

mana tujuan utama hidup di bumi yang berbentuk sfera inii????????????

terumbang ambing.

mujahadah dalam dirilah yang belum teguh, konklusinya. cerita pendeknya begitu.

woah. seronoknya mengarang guna bahasa  melayuuu...

cita-cita.

jangan tanya pasal cita-cita.

jangan tanya kenapa disini aku belajar.

jangan tanyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...

okey. lupa.

manusia ni kena guna psikologi terbalik.

sila lah tanya pasal cita-cita. silalah tanya kenapa disini aku wujud.

sila lah tanya!

antara kesan amal dengan kehidupan.

menguji keimanan.

terasa menjauh...

program sana sini... terikat. terasa bagai dirantai.

sudah berkata ya, selepas pertimbangan faktor jarak dan janji, tidak menggantikan ya.

mencari kekuatan itu susah. susah sangat. memang tak ada sumber lain untuk kuat.

memang kembali kepada Allah jugak-jugak, jalan terbaik sampai mati.

hal sedih atas kematian, sama. sedih ada kematian, sayang, untuk meminta agar arwah baik-baik sahaja, kepada Allah jugak kena mintak. Allah yang ambil arwah kembali kan? Allah pemilik hakiki.

hal masalah antara manusia. masalah-masalah yang tidak jelas.

yang datangnya melalui deria keenam. tak nampak. tapi dirasai. ngilu gitu. Allah jugak yang membolak balikkan hati tu. hati manusia tu. kena kembali kepada Allah jugak. kena berlari memeluk indahnya do'a kepada Allah tu.

nak tak nak.

memang dari Allah kita datang, kepada Allah kita kembali.

ikatan hati yang tidak terbina selama bertahun, di mana puncanya? tak tahu.

TAK TAHU.

nak salahkan keadaan? USAHA kita banyak mana? banyak mana?????????????

nak salahkan siapa?

mencari salah, salahkan diri sendiri cara terbaik. salahkan diri untuk membuat yang terbaik.

nak tak nak.

memang dari Allah kita datang, kepada Allah kita kembali.

habis cerita.

semoga Allah ampunkan saya dan anda.

R4BIA

i'm the fourth daughter.

i admire Rabi'atul Adawiyah, too. i did read a book about her few years back. not few years... about ten years ago, perhaps. yeah. most of the content in the book; forgotten by me.

i don't like the movie 'I am Number Four'. i don't like english movies, at all.

it happened to be a significant event in islamic history, coups d'état occurred in Egypt. the place of the event named Raba'a.

the faith is islam is rising.

and ain't sure am i contributing something?

yet, felt very relieved that i did have a chance to explain to two of my friends about the issue.

am a social person. i can't sit still without meeting people.

i don't like crowd. but, people.

i can't stay on my own. thinking about my own bussiness in a room. i feel stuck. i don't want such life. the field of mine is school. but i can't make it at school. don't know why?

if months ago, i failed to do something for Gaza thru the internet.
alhamdulillah, i did something for this Raba'a. alhamdulillah.

my 4 cents. 

this maybe small.  but am proud of it.
and this is how i cure the stress in me.

if my sisters on FB updated they've done many many many 'things' with their pupils in cultivating the awareness of islam (in term of ummah issue, islam practice, etc), i.... too far behind them.

am still fighting my own self; the mad me.
am still killing me; the angry me.
am still filtering the heart; purifying the intention.
am still paving the way; to make something happen.

WE ARE ONE BIG FAMILY.

Nihlah.

3 years.

mukhayyam.

different themes. back to sirah.

Badar Kubra. can't remember at all what did i feel... need to flip my diaries...

Tabuk. pre-ramadhan. wasn't ready.

this year, with name of 'nihlah'. when i saw this word, i just remember one of my sister's friend. i wonder why 'nihlah'?

i asked organizer what does it mean by nihlah? ok. i need to search myself.
i found it. it means 'free gift'... but, i wonder what relies under that meaning? hu.

Nihlah. in Ramadhan. in between teaching practice phase....

alhamdulillah. alhamdulillah.

participants were divided into three groups.
each group got a story of sahabah or tabi'in.
my group got a tabi'in's story. guess who?

al-Hasan al-Yasar or well known with Hasan al-Basri.

taking 'ibrah from the story... we actually had gone through Hasan al-Basri's story in our happy circle.
there is one remarkable point for me i would like to share here.
one fact about myself, people in our happy community call it as 'anak-pak-cik-mak-cik'.
as i grow up on this path, i never understand why should sisters respond like,

"bertuahnya..."

"wahh bestnyaa...."

"beruntungnya awak!"

and there will be some expectations that i don't like because i don't like expectations in general.
because of that, i never reveal the fact unless being asked or revealed by others i had to verify. reluctantly.
i couldn't accept for some responses sounded like,

"senang pergi program..."

"senang belanja untuk program..." 

because life test is different for different human. 

i won't elaborate more about my negative respond toward the fact. 

the point of story of Hasan al-Basri that i, alhamdulillah, given the light to see what can i relate to me? 

Hasan al-Basri was born near to people who were near to Rasulullah s.a.w. 

Hasan al-Basri was named by Rasulullah's wife, Ummu Salamah. 

he grew up for 14 years with Ummul Mu'minin. he got the chance to learn from sahabah like 'Ali and Abu Hurairah (if i'm not mistaken. pls check) it's stated that he even played at Ummul Mu'minin's house that he touched the ceiling of the house. 

one of the sisters gave emphasis of this part of the story that Hasan al-Basri was very lucky to have the good condition (read: bi'ah solehah) since he was born. 

that moment, i realized and  remembered. yeah. i also was too amazed by Anas bin Malik's story that he could be with Rasulullah s.a.w. since young. 

thus, i asked myself, why do we feel that way toward sahabah? 

then, out of sudden, is it the same why do they respond that way toward 'anak-pak-cik-mak-cik' fact? 

......

the negative in me reduced. 

it's actually beyond the responses i mentioned above about the easiness. it's beyond that. 

as my heart pinched, i thanked Allah.

how i have overlooked all the ni'mah from Him. in my life.

i thanked Allah  for everything. everything i have denied. 

and i hope, sisters, please be positive regardless 'anak-pak-cik-mak-cik' or what. life test is different between human. we unite because of islam.

during the programme, we were asked our favourite surah in the Qur'an and our favourite sahabah. 

i was thinking about  al-Insyirah.. but, when others mentioned al-Insyirah, i wanted a different one. i thought  about at-Tin... then one of us mentioned at-Tin either. then, i determine in my heart for why i chose at-Tin. :) the phrase "ahsani taqwim" in the surah. :)

sahabah... okey. before that. we got our name tags. we're encouraged to write our names in Arabic. 

thus, i texted ayah because i don't know how should i spell mine. is it sad with wau? or is it sad without wau? my question to ayah, 

"ayah, when u named me, is it because of sahabiah's name or is it because of the meaning 'pure' like ahli sufi?"

ayah answered me,

"sempena nama isteri nabi sebab ayah ummi suka sangat dengan isteri nabi yang cerdik dan bijak tu :)" 

now, i know how to spell ^_^

"patutnya ada rumman kat belakang tu :)"  

i replied: "nak tukar ejaan nama dan tambah nama la nnt~"

proceed to favourite sahabah.. i was thinking about taking Safiyyah as my one because i admired Safiyyah; Rasulullah's aunt in one war. but, i once fell for Khadijah deeply heartily. he.he. one of the factor in the song, "Zammilooni"... :) so, i told the sisters, Khadijah even though others mentioned Khadijah either (because there are Khadijah for their own  names!). ^_^
but, next time, i  would say Safiyyah. since it's my name! ^_^ i will search more stories of both Safiyyah; Rasulullah's wife and Rasulullah's aunt. :) insya Allah.

indeed, may Allah forgive me in this Ramadhan. and you too.

phase 2: maghfirah.

sadaqallahul 'adzim. 

this path...

Aku ingat pertama kali kita bertemu,
hatiku berdesir, bergetar melebihi biasanya

Kubisikkan pelan-pelan dalam hati..
..semoga rasa ini bertahan selamanya
Hingga kelak kita berakhir di tempat yang dijanjikan Allah untuk kita

Aku ingat hari-hari berat yang kita lalui,
perdebatan-perdebatan antara siapa yg harus mengalah
Rasa kesal yang membuncah,
pun sampai rasa tidak percaya yang mulai berkuasa

Tapi semua selalu berakhir,
dengan aku yang kembali menggenggam tanganmu mesra
Sadar bahwa, hidupku tanpamu tak akan sama
Sadar bahwa, kau adalah anugrah terbaik yang bisa aku minta pada Allah

Kau yang mengubahku dari seonggok daging bergerak tak bermakna
Menjadi sebenar-benarnya manusia,
Mengajarkanku bahwa hidup ini bukan tentang AKU semata

Kau yang membantuku mengkristalkan banyak hikmah
Dibalik senyum dan nestapa, disela-sela musibah

Kau, anugrah Allah bernama Tarbiyah
Aku ingin Menua, membangun istana syurga, menghembus penghujung nyawa
Dengan kita yang tetap seperti ini, sejalan seirama :’)

credit:

http://www.pkspiyungan.org/2013/05/pks-anugerah-terindah-darinya.html

 

so, i found this piece.... 

am searching for a place for solitude, yet shooting and boosting me to be something. somebody. 

but, so far, when i asked people around me, my beloved, all of them offered me something that needs me to offer something to them. ohoh. i was like... uh-uh? 

i'm searching something for me, and others are asking something from me? that just made me to wake up. 

maybe, am too 'old' on this path to ask from others to get something for myself, in that way. 

thus, i need to be that strong. i need to be that beneficial. because there're lots of others need me. 

again, am typing the sentence here, to be strong, i need to ask from the ONE who's STRONG, ALLAH. 

random no. 9

61.
Walau hujan badai kan terus melanda
Walau amuk gelombang tak henti menerjang
Walau terang mencegah, walau mentari kan membakar
Jangan letih menapaki kehidupan

Ujian bagaikan terik sinar sang surya...
Hadir kedunia bersama berjuta karunia...
Janganlah bertekuk lutut dalam pelukan putus asa...
janganlah bersimpuh dihadapan duka...

hadapilah segala tantangan...
sambutlah harimu dengan suka cita...
hadapilah segala ujian...
dalam kesulitan pasti ada kemudahan...

by: shoutul harokah

my credit goes to that person who just returned from 'Amman. he keeps playing this song and his alarm is this song!


62.
went to Zoo Negara with Ahmad, Muhammad and 'Ali. with my 'uniform' usually i wear at home or in personal transport. when i said i'm selekeh, that Ahmad replied, "all Islam asks to cover 'aurah..." okay! ha-ha. dush!

i found it's not interesting to go to zoo.

but, while eating ice cream with Muhammad and 'Ali before we went back, i was thinking about the zoo.

yeah. i found that actually i can do something that make me a better servant to Allah.
zoo means plenty of Allah's creatures. all the beautiful. all the cute. all the wild. all the big and tall animals! how proud was i....

and yeah. i actually should observe what's in the zoo.
children and zoo are familiar. am going to be with children, ain't i? that forgotten and proud me again...

in a conclusion, think before i feel. i've wasted my time at the zoo without doing something meaningful! :'(

and am sorry to Muhammad and 'Ali that i didn't bring my camera and didn't ask from Ahmad his camera to snap some pictures of you both! bad sister. 

63.
it's about passion. 8 hours journey. i didn't realise that it's more than two hours! :)
"weren't you afraid or scared?"
"eh? afraid? scared? of what?"
"if you took wrong road..."
"no.... we can turn around if we took wrong road..."

ngeeeeeeeeeeeee. and i'm a morning person.


64.
my lovely bluish sentimental the second was sick.
"operating system can't be found"

i was just... okay.... 

then, sent it to the place where i took it.

after returned from Selangor, it's at ayah's place.

turned it on.

huh? okey. nothing inside.  okay. restless.

no sentimental pictures.
no sentimental values.

yes, i don't have external hard disk! +.+

i was like.... it took me quite a time to get my feet back on the ground with a heart and soul.

later, this thought came into my brain.

you get it back with nothing inside. it's like purifying. doesn't it? you can restart all over again. reinstall all the good stuff for your soul. don't give a dirt into it. you should download Omar Series! Fetih! ehe. you can search again all the ebooks for your soul. won't you? still remember when you lost that Nokia? you have the pros for losing it, right? please, lighten your spirit!! you're not nothing here.


65.
MyGMJ.

cousins; E, Luq, bro in law; abe Syim, Momo, Aman

Masjid Negeri, Shah Alam

things i got... the third brooch i bought since i've lost it twice.

maybe, flashmob.. maybe. haha

credit: Ahmad's blackberry. :P


66.
today. less than 24 hours - time at home. hee. about 24 hours Junaid has gone to his hostel. i miss him. hahah. Junaid!
days with the five younger bros. growing up to be taller and bigger than me.
am losing my appetite. kohf2. it's okey. after nine days, i'll be back. insya Allah! heh.
the best excuse; i've to see the doctor!! =p


67.
school.
something i can't describe with words.
but, i really want to do something. i need to do something. regardless all the trouble i'd known.

random no. 8

55.
"let's go to Borneo at the end of this year.."

"woah.. okey.. how much do we need?"

"save about RM*** to RM***..."

"seriously? urm... insya Allah.. we'll see..."


56.
"go buy a smartphone, dear!! it's a need."

"hehe.. i will.. i will... insya Allah.."


57.
"i think i'm going to umrah at the end of this year.."

"urm... that need thousands... who do you wanna bring?"

"hm... i don't know..."


58.
"i wanna buy a smartphone, soon.."

"okay. save your money..."

"can u add some?"

"you can take from another account of yours..."

"do i have much in that account? i don't think so... hueee"

"still can be used to add some.. would be sufficient..."


59.
someone updated her status. i don't like the content of the status. since i know i'm the one who's closely related to the status, it reminded me of what had happened about eight years ago. i asked her to delete. -_- it's better that way.


60.
"what kind of book is Anthem?"

"huh? where is it?" *looking at her hand, Velvet di Durham!!!*

"in the living area.... in the Jemari Seni's plastic bag..."

"hmm... about school students..." in heart, 'sending things without notice, but sarcastic status are not nice, dude.'

Random no. 7

46. spendthrift. i am. T_T nevermind. today, ayah stopped at a shoes shop to buy new one for himself. then, i remember that i need a new pair of slipper to use for toilet business at hostel, so i went into the shop with ummi ayah and Muhammad. he. he. then, i just looked around. there is stock clearance....hehe. i took one pair of formal shoes worth RM10. haha. well, physically the shoes doesn't seem very new. well. old-stock? never mind. at the end, Muhammad bought one pair of slipper for him like my two pairs! haha.

47. today, i just found that UEFA is going to put Israel in the list. erm. i dunno how to explain this issue, but i understand the issue. if Israel got its name in the list, it seems like the world recognizes it as a country. seemed legal. the truth is Israel robbed Palestine! you may read more in inminds.com.and i was touched to see everyone beyond the race and religion are letting their voices out for Palestine.

48. speaking of Palestine, there'll be a program in this country!!

i do feel like going. but, hmmm.... we'll see. huhu. last year i couldn't join them. i can't remember why, maybe because i was in the campus. but this year, i can see the opportunity with 30% possibility. if you live near Shah Alam, just, please join the people!!

49. Closer and closer to mankind comes their Reckoning: yet they heed not and they turn away.
[Al-anbiya', 21:1]

50. today, we're waiting for Ahmad to arrive home. i was laying on the bed. trying to take a nap. "Gahh!!"
okey. he's arrived. he laughed at our home gate. use remote control everything, but rongak! haha. still can be entered by person.

51. not feeling good to update my goodreads. i think it's near 30 books already i've read. hm.

52. i told Junaid about UEFA - Israel. Junaid replied me why bother? let Israel be in the list. ummi was listening to our conversation. ummi said that Junaid doesn't understand the issue, yet. hmmm.....

53. a reply to an SMS is meaningful eventhough it's just a - :) - or just an - OK - or just a - TQ - appreciate the people sending u an SMS, furthermore if the sender have done u a favour. *me either often reluctant to reply an SMS when we know it's the end of the topic. hee.

54. bringing Muhammad and Ali to a programme... Ali as the participant. Muhammad as my little brother. Muhammad - spoiled, pampered. thanks to the brothers for their favour at the dorm.
Ali - felt threatened by Muhammad, always asked Muhammad to get out of the programme-causing Muhammad to find me with teary eyes. -_- 

lapar.

ahaha. x leh blah punya tajuk.

okey.

this sem break, am restless and reckless. helpless either. 0.o

just now, i was hungry. so, i decided to search for any burger stall by the road side. then, i would like to eat the burger watching something exciting. haha. like mat rempit racing on the road without concerning other road users and red traffic lights. or river cruise at Kelantan River << very ridiculous at such hour.

after bought a double burger, i went to the main city. along the way, i had thought if nothing interesting there, i would go to WCY. maybe i could enjoy shopping scenes there. heh.. as i turned right, near the dental clinic, woahhha... cars. okey. something is happening in the stadium. absolutely. i SMS my friend, K. Wa. haha.

i could see youngsters standing-laying-against-sitting on the steel bar. i stopped beside the cars parked there. lowing the volume of the radio. took my burger. open the window as narrow as possible but could allow the noise in the stadium to come in.

"Ayuh ayuh ayuh kelateku malam ini kita mesti menang!"

haha. full of spirit. yes. i enjoyed listening to the cheers. watching the young boys-to-men raising their hands up with the flags muffler everything to show their support.

i think, i want to experience watching one soccer match of TRW... but, ... i don't like crowds. arr... maybe someday. i can follow my brothers. hee...

urm... near the stadium, there is a hospital. hu.

there might be situations like:

stadium: one team won the game and one team lose the game.

hospital: innalillahi wa inna ilaihi roji'un. or welcome to the world, baby!

^_____________^

hm. another thing, after about one month i neglected my blogs, i feel like giving up my blogs. all. but, ahha. i still can't. because my blogs are where i spill what i can't in the FB and i feel like sharing, badly. hee..!

i'd quit plurk for 2 months. not thinking seriously to join twitter or any such things.

i lived without internet about 1 week and half. i feel like deactivating FB. haha. for good. for-ever. but, maybe after i grad i can do that. just 1 year and half to go.

ok. overlapping activities.

jaa.

smoky love?

smokers.
you don't love people around you when you smoke freely near them.

you lie. truly lie.
if you say you love them, at the same time you're smoking there.

LIARs.

and you know the facts of being a smoker and your effects toward others.

UBAH!!! ini kalilah, bro!

**i'll be rather disappointed that i people i look up to are smokers. that's so s**t. oh. tercemar blog saya. 

to taste the honey...

i once wrote these lines,

i ask myself,
was i really mujahadah over my desire?
am i really mujahadah over my wants?
will i be a real mujahidah?
mujahadah is not a word for jokes
once i say i want to mujahadah
it means i have to fight my own self
i have to go over my mind
i will hate my own self,
pray hard. try hard.
die hard to be a mujahidah, self.

mujahadah.

i found myself have some points that i really can't easily go through them when i need to fight them.

it was... in February. today is someone's birthday. okayru. merapu.

it just that, mujahadah is not that easy.

mujahadah begins in the mind. in the heart.

mind and heart must be clean and clear.

and it's true, only if we really do it for Allah, that's the best cure for the bitterness of being in mujahadah mode.

all this while, i questioned myself for things i left. for things i took. for things i did.
i was in such a sad and confused situation. it's blur. it didn't seem so wrong to continue and it did cause something wrong somewhere at times. syubhah. that, when i look at the mirror, the misery look in my eyes, i remember about intention. and that's it, the moment my eyes slowly shone with a smile cracked on my face. that's where the sweetness combined with the bitterness.

"Love will make you a slave. Be careful what you love"
(Yasmin Mogahed) ♥

 

random no. 5

31. i have found in which part of contribution insya Allah i can do for this community. i would like to go for being with the teens and community service. :)

the first reunion for my junior in SRI Aman batch 14. i was happy to get to know them. may Allah bless their effort. may they see the beauty of ukhuwah inside the reunion. i just really wanna go back to the school and do something.

32. my journey returning to the campus was... it began with that i just missed my ticket on the table in the living room. i forgot for my mineral water for the journey.

33. blood. ahah. i had experienced my first time donating blood. i was very excited to know my blood group! that was my real intention when i let the doctor took my blood in March 2012. i didn't tell the doctor i wanted to know my blood group. i just told her that i wanted to make a blood test. ehe. blame me.

thus, on the Dec 27th, Aqsa Syarif Kelantan had organized 'Semarak Gaza' at KBMall. i was involved. then, i found HUSM doing the donating blood activity? campaign? upstairs. i was soooo hilarious. aha.

one day later, i went to KBMall again. i was not so serious since i was just hoping to know my blood group. but, when this question came to me, "how old are you?"
i was... okay. she doubted my age. i grinned and answered her question. i too thought, maybe she just got instinct that i just wanted to play around. ahah!!! when they asked me my weight, i was trying to escape by hoping that my weight won't allow me  to donate my blood.

i was so lucky that my weight just increased and that i could donate my blood. there u go.

i got to know my blood group. O. ^_^ rhesus is positive.

i was happy. but, i was frustrated when k. arina told me that O- that can donate to everyone. -_-"
i thought myself, tula... dulu belajar Biology main-main!!! bab sel je kau hafal semua kan... bab darah-darah mana kau hafall~

i was  worried when the nurse said she wasn't confident to inject the thing to take out my blood because my blood capillary? vessel? artery? is small and near to the tendon. i figured out that in March the doctor took the blood from my right hand.

Muhammad was with me when i was donating my blood. he looked at blood running out of my left hand. i wished i can record that or at least snapped a picture. ahah.

34. went to Johor. heh. i was so in Tentang Dhiya by Syud when i was trying to search for the setting of place in the novel. yeah. i saw the signboard to go to SK Nong Chik. went to Danga Bay. hahaha. thanks ayah. visited the little Aynie Munirah. then, gotta know little information about leukemia. AML, ALL. chemo. got opportunity to drive in Mersing. thanks again ayah for your trust. i took that as an honour. >.< visited the Taman Buaya near the Pasir Gudang port, i guess.

home. the morning we left it for Johor.

how the water drops clear the mirror yet it didn't get wet.

Kg. Wak Leman if i'm not mistaken.

i'm an adult. >.<

the dusk from the window of Masjid Sultan Abu Bakar JB, ladies' section.

Danga Bay. i don't really like it, after all. :)

35. i went to a village near to the river. ahaha. my home is actually already near the river. but, i just... wanted to be at a place far away from anyone knowing my family members; far or near. however, still, i just couldn't touch the river water. even to look at the river!!!

this is not yet the river... T_T

please rotate this yourself. ahah. bianata.

very insensitive.. =_=" go green please.

i wish that i have the gut to run through the bushes and reach near the river!!!

browny greens.

36. i had involved with Aqsa Syarif... okay. i just don't know what to say. what to express. how to express with words about this. but, i was happy and i know i have to and want to improve myself for this ummah.

the memories.

37. i just have to find a new pair before it's too late.

38. back to school. all the best Ali Akmal and Muhammad. i hope Muhammad won't experience negatively being compared with others in the family.

i almost write my own name. =.="

just sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo... smart.

the only elder sister left to be the writer.

unintentionally wrote ayah's name first. =.="

that's all. this is long enough i think after promised in two entries before this. i just couldn't help myself to get an update this blog before 2012 end. :)

waving flag

lyrics:

when i get older i will be
stronger they'll call me freedom
just like a wavin' flag

when i get older i will be
stronger they'll call me freedom
just like a waving flag
and then it goes back (3x)
ahhho ahhho ahhho

born to a throne
stronger than rome
but violent prone
poor people zone
but its my home
all i have known
where i got grown
streets we would roam

out of the darkness
i came the farthest
among the hardest survivor
learn form these streets
it can be bleak
accept no defeat
surrender retreat
(so we struggling)
fighting to eat
(and we wondering)
when we will be free
so we patiently wait
for that faithful day
its not far away
but for now we say

when i get older i will be
stronger they'll call me freedom just
like a waving flag
and then it goes back (3x)

ahhho ahhho ahhho

so many wars
settling scores
bring us promises
leaving us poor
i heard them say
love is the way
love is the answer
thats what they say

but look how they treat us
make us believers
we fight their battles
then they deceive us
try to control us
they couldn't hold us
cause we just move forward
like buffalo soldiers
(but we strugglin)
fighting to eat
(and we wondering)
when we will be free
so we patiently wait
for that faithful day
its not far away
but for now we say

when i get older i will be
stronger they'll call me freedom
just like a waving flag
and then it goes back (3x)

and then it goes when i get older i will be
stronger they'll call me freedom
just like a wavin' flag
and then it goes back (3x)
ahhhooo ahhhoooo ahhhooo

and everybody will be singing it
and you and i will be singing it
and we all will be singing it
wo wah wo ah wo ah

when i get older i will be
stronger they'll call me freedom
just like a wavin' flag
and then it goes back (3x)

and then it goes when i get older i will be
stronger they'll call me freedom
just like a wavin' flag
and then it goes back (3x)
a oh a oh a oh

when i get older
when i get older
i will be stronger

just like a wavin' flag (3x)
flag flag
just like a wavin' flag

random no. 3

17. i actually intended to post a dedication entry for yummy, yesterday. happy belated bday sister. :) our prayers always with you sister. just letting you know that you have your own significance/effects in my life, in a way i can't describe and you mayn't realise. :)

18. i just... i'd looked wrongly at the calendar when someone's telling me her important date! oh my! lucky me. i will be with her, insya Allah. ;)

19. kids. i don't know how to tackle them. :( yeah. i prefer to handle secondary school students rather than primary school students. i told the interviewer that time!!

20. May. many things that i wish can be remembered by me all the time actually happened in May. kohf. kohf. omo..

21. i advised myself to not looking back behind me. but, i keep looking back. i found that one my school buddies once said to me to come to her home when i passed my driving license. i'm now a competent driving license holder... thus, to go to her home will be in my list.

22. still remember my randomies no. 8? i found this, yesterday.

23. another duckcapture from facebook.

24. no events outside my hometown. err... i meant. no TOF this year. no Himpunan 1000 Jiwa 1 Hati this year. TOF - obviously no extra budget. :P boo at me. meanwhile, 1kJ1H is about the date. 31st December will be the first date the office gonna distribute new room keys for hostel residents. so, i wish i would be the first person among the residents at the third floor since i want to be the first person opening the reserved room. hahahah.

25. kitchen project. durian crepe!!! please suggest me instant whipped cream brand that is easy to be found in Kelantan specifically. or u can suggest me the best brand for the milk that will be delicious making whipped cream. i hope ur suggested brand won't be in the boycott list. =3

26. sew. i wish i can learn using the sewing machine. ummi's making me skirt. ahah! i like! i just wanna learn to sew a baju kurung manually using hands. i am serious. if u know anyone willing to teach somebody young to inherit her talent, please tell me. i am willing to spend my holidays with her!!

27. this advertisement is for anyone  living in Kota Bharu. please come.

ok. that's all for this entry. my randomies. ahah.