sisterhood.

it was my final day at school for the internship.

my friends and i returned to college later than usual. it's about 4 p.m. already when i arrived my room.

my stomach had war inside.

it was that, i made it to go to the place i need to go.

so, i was there. with the unexpected condition. i couldn't even stand straight.

my physical state didn't allow me to join the activities.

my body had some rest on the bed.

i woke up. a sister who's a pharmacist came to me. checking on me.

"u have a high fever!"

"..."

"come... eat these bananas, then eat these pills..."

"...."

another sister who's a nurse interrupted,
"u need to take a bath too..."

"......"

i showed them a face. ~_~

i was... yeah. it's been quite a time i hadn't have a fever.

it's been quite a time i hadn't have such concern from others. touched.

thanks, sisters.

we're not related by blood, we're related by faith.

this sweet moment made my heart whispers, 'i want to taste these-kind-of-sweet-little-things in my life for-ever....'

insya Allah.

And (moreover) He hath put affection between their hearts: not if thou hadst spent all that is in the earth, couldst thou have produced that affection, but Allah hath done it: for He is Exalted in might, Wise. (8: 63) 

 

p/s: my writing skills rusting!

random no. 10

68. before went home. after finished exam. i'd known that imma an adult. haha. yada. realized that ain't a kid that cries for being neglected and ain't young to be a participant or follower forever.

69. i had great time with teenage girls. well.. they're in early of their teen-ages. they're really testing my patience. and i learnt that there are children who will always quote their mother's to compare your actions. and they trust you as a teacher very much when it doesn't go against their mother's or daddy's.
being with them also made me feel... hmm.. well. i was the oldest that time. i was taking care of them. and i was insensitive to be concern about their health condition. imagine, they'd been suffering of diarrhea since morning, and i only knew that in the evening near dusk after being told, not out of my  observation. haihh..

70. know what... when we want to do something, and we do our best to do it and we have clear intention of doing it, we put our priority within what Allah likes and what He forbids us, masha Allah. insya Allah, He's all there for us. try to reflect our life in this year 2013. is there any events we feel it's like miracle? if we did, istighfar and say alhamdulillah. ^_^

71. driving. there are two challenges which are testing my patience and testing my egomania characteristics. for me, it's very annoying if u're on the right lane and u're not speeding up. then, it's the same if u're changing ur directions without signals. haha. i don't mind if u're overtaking me if u mind the two things i'd mentioned. =p
and i haven't finished my B2 license biz. ~_~

72. finished three novels so far after ar-raqaiq. started cahaya di atas cahaya, though. reading oki's piece triggers me to have the intention to further my studies at Ummul Qura!! hmmmm....

73. am happy. about something. because there's a reason for dia to text me. *sounds desperate, i know* but am happy.

74. am annoyed. two different events. and i have done my declaration. i am training myself to be a person who left the said things behind for something bad. if i say i wanna stop, please, leave me alone. help me to stop. u think why did i declare? bcoz i hope u understand. so, don't disturb me. u think why did i apologize? bcoz i wanna let go the bad feelings and to forget. thus, please, don't even say anything about that particular issue anymore and it's worst for me if u're trying to explain more. sorry, i would be frozen if u did. to let go and to forget because i wanna maintain our relationship and i have realized my mistakes three.

Nihlah.

3 years.

mukhayyam.

different themes. back to sirah.

Badar Kubra. can't remember at all what did i feel... need to flip my diaries...

Tabuk. pre-ramadhan. wasn't ready.

this year, with name of 'nihlah'. when i saw this word, i just remember one of my sister's friend. i wonder why 'nihlah'?

i asked organizer what does it mean by nihlah? ok. i need to search myself.
i found it. it means 'free gift'... but, i wonder what relies under that meaning? hu.

Nihlah. in Ramadhan. in between teaching practice phase....

alhamdulillah. alhamdulillah.

participants were divided into three groups.
each group got a story of sahabah or tabi'in.
my group got a tabi'in's story. guess who?

al-Hasan al-Yasar or well known with Hasan al-Basri.

taking 'ibrah from the story... we actually had gone through Hasan al-Basri's story in our happy circle.
there is one remarkable point for me i would like to share here.
one fact about myself, people in our happy community call it as 'anak-pak-cik-mak-cik'.
as i grow up on this path, i never understand why should sisters respond like,

"bertuahnya..."

"wahh bestnyaa...."

"beruntungnya awak!"

and there will be some expectations that i don't like because i don't like expectations in general.
because of that, i never reveal the fact unless being asked or revealed by others i had to verify. reluctantly.
i couldn't accept for some responses sounded like,

"senang pergi program..."

"senang belanja untuk program..." 

because life test is different for different human. 

i won't elaborate more about my negative respond toward the fact. 

the point of story of Hasan al-Basri that i, alhamdulillah, given the light to see what can i relate to me? 

Hasan al-Basri was born near to people who were near to Rasulullah s.a.w. 

Hasan al-Basri was named by Rasulullah's wife, Ummu Salamah. 

he grew up for 14 years with Ummul Mu'minin. he got the chance to learn from sahabah like 'Ali and Abu Hurairah (if i'm not mistaken. pls check) it's stated that he even played at Ummul Mu'minin's house that he touched the ceiling of the house. 

one of the sisters gave emphasis of this part of the story that Hasan al-Basri was very lucky to have the good condition (read: bi'ah solehah) since he was born. 

that moment, i realized and  remembered. yeah. i also was too amazed by Anas bin Malik's story that he could be with Rasulullah s.a.w. since young. 

thus, i asked myself, why do we feel that way toward sahabah? 

then, out of sudden, is it the same why do they respond that way toward 'anak-pak-cik-mak-cik' fact? 

......

the negative in me reduced. 

it's actually beyond the responses i mentioned above about the easiness. it's beyond that. 

as my heart pinched, i thanked Allah.

how i have overlooked all the ni'mah from Him. in my life.

i thanked Allah  for everything. everything i have denied. 

and i hope, sisters, please be positive regardless 'anak-pak-cik-mak-cik' or what. life test is different between human. we unite because of islam.

during the programme, we were asked our favourite surah in the Qur'an and our favourite sahabah. 

i was thinking about  al-Insyirah.. but, when others mentioned al-Insyirah, i wanted a different one. i thought  about at-Tin... then one of us mentioned at-Tin either. then, i determine in my heart for why i chose at-Tin. :) the phrase "ahsani taqwim" in the surah. :)

sahabah... okey. before that. we got our name tags. we're encouraged to write our names in Arabic. 

thus, i texted ayah because i don't know how should i spell mine. is it sad with wau? or is it sad without wau? my question to ayah, 

"ayah, when u named me, is it because of sahabiah's name or is it because of the meaning 'pure' like ahli sufi?"

ayah answered me,

"sempena nama isteri nabi sebab ayah ummi suka sangat dengan isteri nabi yang cerdik dan bijak tu :)" 

now, i know how to spell ^_^

"patutnya ada rumman kat belakang tu :)"  

i replied: "nak tukar ejaan nama dan tambah nama la nnt~"

proceed to favourite sahabah.. i was thinking about taking Safiyyah as my one because i admired Safiyyah; Rasulullah's aunt in one war. but, i once fell for Khadijah deeply heartily. he.he. one of the factor in the song, "Zammilooni"... :) so, i told the sisters, Khadijah even though others mentioned Khadijah either (because there are Khadijah for their own  names!). ^_^
but, next time, i  would say Safiyyah. since it's my name! ^_^ i will search more stories of both Safiyyah; Rasulullah's wife and Rasulullah's aunt. :) insya Allah.

indeed, may Allah forgive me in this Ramadhan. and you too.

phase 2: maghfirah.

sadaqallahul 'adzim. 

random no. 9

61.
Walau hujan badai kan terus melanda
Walau amuk gelombang tak henti menerjang
Walau terang mencegah, walau mentari kan membakar
Jangan letih menapaki kehidupan

Ujian bagaikan terik sinar sang surya...
Hadir kedunia bersama berjuta karunia...
Janganlah bertekuk lutut dalam pelukan putus asa...
janganlah bersimpuh dihadapan duka...

hadapilah segala tantangan...
sambutlah harimu dengan suka cita...
hadapilah segala ujian...
dalam kesulitan pasti ada kemudahan...

by: shoutul harokah

my credit goes to that person who just returned from 'Amman. he keeps playing this song and his alarm is this song!


62.
went to Zoo Negara with Ahmad, Muhammad and 'Ali. with my 'uniform' usually i wear at home or in personal transport. when i said i'm selekeh, that Ahmad replied, "all Islam asks to cover 'aurah..." okay! ha-ha. dush!

i found it's not interesting to go to zoo.

but, while eating ice cream with Muhammad and 'Ali before we went back, i was thinking about the zoo.

yeah. i found that actually i can do something that make me a better servant to Allah.
zoo means plenty of Allah's creatures. all the beautiful. all the cute. all the wild. all the big and tall animals! how proud was i....

and yeah. i actually should observe what's in the zoo.
children and zoo are familiar. am going to be with children, ain't i? that forgotten and proud me again...

in a conclusion, think before i feel. i've wasted my time at the zoo without doing something meaningful! :'(

and am sorry to Muhammad and 'Ali that i didn't bring my camera and didn't ask from Ahmad his camera to snap some pictures of you both! bad sister. 

63.
it's about passion. 8 hours journey. i didn't realise that it's more than two hours! :)
"weren't you afraid or scared?"
"eh? afraid? scared? of what?"
"if you took wrong road..."
"no.... we can turn around if we took wrong road..."

ngeeeeeeeeeeeee. and i'm a morning person.


64.
my lovely bluish sentimental the second was sick.
"operating system can't be found"

i was just... okay.... 

then, sent it to the place where i took it.

after returned from Selangor, it's at ayah's place.

turned it on.

huh? okey. nothing inside.  okay. restless.

no sentimental pictures.
no sentimental values.

yes, i don't have external hard disk! +.+

i was like.... it took me quite a time to get my feet back on the ground with a heart and soul.

later, this thought came into my brain.

you get it back with nothing inside. it's like purifying. doesn't it? you can restart all over again. reinstall all the good stuff for your soul. don't give a dirt into it. you should download Omar Series! Fetih! ehe. you can search again all the ebooks for your soul. won't you? still remember when you lost that Nokia? you have the pros for losing it, right? please, lighten your spirit!! you're not nothing here.


65.
MyGMJ.

cousins; E, Luq, bro in law; abe Syim, Momo, Aman

Masjid Negeri, Shah Alam

things i got... the third brooch i bought since i've lost it twice.

maybe, flashmob.. maybe. haha

credit: Ahmad's blackberry. :P


66.
today. less than 24 hours - time at home. hee. about 24 hours Junaid has gone to his hostel. i miss him. hahah. Junaid!
days with the five younger bros. growing up to be taller and bigger than me.
am losing my appetite. kohf2. it's okey. after nine days, i'll be back. insya Allah! heh.
the best excuse; i've to see the doctor!! =p


67.
school.
something i can't describe with words.
but, i really want to do something. i need to do something. regardless all the trouble i'd known.

Random no. 7

46. spendthrift. i am. T_T nevermind. today, ayah stopped at a shoes shop to buy new one for himself. then, i remember that i need a new pair of slipper to use for toilet business at hostel, so i went into the shop with ummi ayah and Muhammad. he. he. then, i just looked around. there is stock clearance....hehe. i took one pair of formal shoes worth RM10. haha. well, physically the shoes doesn't seem very new. well. old-stock? never mind. at the end, Muhammad bought one pair of slipper for him like my two pairs! haha.

47. today, i just found that UEFA is going to put Israel in the list. erm. i dunno how to explain this issue, but i understand the issue. if Israel got its name in the list, it seems like the world recognizes it as a country. seemed legal. the truth is Israel robbed Palestine! you may read more in inminds.com.and i was touched to see everyone beyond the race and religion are letting their voices out for Palestine.

48. speaking of Palestine, there'll be a program in this country!!

i do feel like going. but, hmmm.... we'll see. huhu. last year i couldn't join them. i can't remember why, maybe because i was in the campus. but this year, i can see the opportunity with 30% possibility. if you live near Shah Alam, just, please join the people!!

49. Closer and closer to mankind comes their Reckoning: yet they heed not and they turn away.
[Al-anbiya', 21:1]

50. today, we're waiting for Ahmad to arrive home. i was laying on the bed. trying to take a nap. "Gahh!!"
okey. he's arrived. he laughed at our home gate. use remote control everything, but rongak! haha. still can be entered by person.

51. not feeling good to update my goodreads. i think it's near 30 books already i've read. hm.

52. i told Junaid about UEFA - Israel. Junaid replied me why bother? let Israel be in the list. ummi was listening to our conversation. ummi said that Junaid doesn't understand the issue, yet. hmmm.....

53. a reply to an SMS is meaningful eventhough it's just a - :) - or just an - OK - or just a - TQ - appreciate the people sending u an SMS, furthermore if the sender have done u a favour. *me either often reluctant to reply an SMS when we know it's the end of the topic. hee.

54. bringing Muhammad and Ali to a programme... Ali as the participant. Muhammad as my little brother. Muhammad - spoiled, pampered. thanks to the brothers for their favour at the dorm.
Ali - felt threatened by Muhammad, always asked Muhammad to get out of the programme-causing Muhammad to find me with teary eyes. -_- 

Random no. 6

In the name of Allah the most gracious, the most merciful.

39. numbers. i remember in the previous year, people were so amazed by the date 20122012. or 10/11/12. something like that. out of sudden, my thought came to that, those amazing number sequence actually happens in our daily lives. isn't it? where? the answer is, in TIME. ^_^ knock my head too. sure. bird flies, we can see. time flies, we don't see. please cough now. haha.

40. of being a secretary. yeah. i just really don't like to be secretary. but, life goes on. for more than once, i'd been a secretary. i just forgot that, i got that trait in my blood. yeah. dad is a secretary too, in a way. >.< i just found that, i really in tarbiyyah of being a secretary. huhu. i was so liberal... i think, after gave it into a deep thought.

41. Daurah Tullab. write down every event that happened in your life. especially those you found tarbawi value in it. >.<

42. YES4G. i'm in debt. T_T" i need to read the rules and regulations thoroughly and ask the centre about it. because i'm quite confuse with the how they calculate the bills for the post-paid package and for the prepaid package too. i will terminate the post-paid one. can't afford it. -_-"

43. i used to be asking for cards from people around me. normally, the cards meant to be birthday cards, congratulation cards or greeting cards, generally. but, nowadays, we ask for invitation cards! to be specific, wedding invitation cards. haha. am collecting as much as i can for this year. i've received one this year. the invitation cards do make me feel old. grown-ups. huhu. how can't i, when marriage is another indicator of being an adult? ^_^"

44. really want to update this blog and another blog. but, thinking of the length of time spent by me updating blogs, halted me to do so. since, i actually have other obligations need to be fulfilled.

Rabbuna yusahhil.

 45. currently reading Ar-raqaiq. ;') and finishing Jane Austen's popular piece Pride and Prejudice that bought two years ago. -_-" and also Harun Yahya's pieces bought two years ago three! >.<

random no. 5

31. i have found in which part of contribution insya Allah i can do for this community. i would like to go for being with the teens and community service. :)

the first reunion for my junior in SRI Aman batch 14. i was happy to get to know them. may Allah bless their effort. may they see the beauty of ukhuwah inside the reunion. i just really wanna go back to the school and do something.

32. my journey returning to the campus was... it began with that i just missed my ticket on the table in the living room. i forgot for my mineral water for the journey.

33. blood. ahah. i had experienced my first time donating blood. i was very excited to know my blood group! that was my real intention when i let the doctor took my blood in March 2012. i didn't tell the doctor i wanted to know my blood group. i just told her that i wanted to make a blood test. ehe. blame me.

thus, on the Dec 27th, Aqsa Syarif Kelantan had organized 'Semarak Gaza' at KBMall. i was involved. then, i found HUSM doing the donating blood activity? campaign? upstairs. i was soooo hilarious. aha.

one day later, i went to KBMall again. i was not so serious since i was just hoping to know my blood group. but, when this question came to me, "how old are you?"
i was... okay. she doubted my age. i grinned and answered her question. i too thought, maybe she just got instinct that i just wanted to play around. ahah!!! when they asked me my weight, i was trying to escape by hoping that my weight won't allow me  to donate my blood.

i was so lucky that my weight just increased and that i could donate my blood. there u go.

i got to know my blood group. O. ^_^ rhesus is positive.

i was happy. but, i was frustrated when k. arina told me that O- that can donate to everyone. -_-"
i thought myself, tula... dulu belajar Biology main-main!!! bab sel je kau hafal semua kan... bab darah-darah mana kau hafall~

i was  worried when the nurse said she wasn't confident to inject the thing to take out my blood because my blood capillary? vessel? artery? is small and near to the tendon. i figured out that in March the doctor took the blood from my right hand.

Muhammad was with me when i was donating my blood. he looked at blood running out of my left hand. i wished i can record that or at least snapped a picture. ahah.

34. went to Johor. heh. i was so in Tentang Dhiya by Syud when i was trying to search for the setting of place in the novel. yeah. i saw the signboard to go to SK Nong Chik. went to Danga Bay. hahaha. thanks ayah. visited the little Aynie Munirah. then, gotta know little information about leukemia. AML, ALL. chemo. got opportunity to drive in Mersing. thanks again ayah for your trust. i took that as an honour. >.< visited the Taman Buaya near the Pasir Gudang port, i guess.

home. the morning we left it for Johor.

how the water drops clear the mirror yet it didn't get wet.

Kg. Wak Leman if i'm not mistaken.

i'm an adult. >.<

the dusk from the window of Masjid Sultan Abu Bakar JB, ladies' section.

Danga Bay. i don't really like it, after all. :)

35. i went to a village near to the river. ahaha. my home is actually already near the river. but, i just... wanted to be at a place far away from anyone knowing my family members; far or near. however, still, i just couldn't touch the river water. even to look at the river!!!

this is not yet the river... T_T

please rotate this yourself. ahah. bianata.

very insensitive.. =_=" go green please.

i wish that i have the gut to run through the bushes and reach near the river!!!

browny greens.

36. i had involved with Aqsa Syarif... okay. i just don't know what to say. what to express. how to express with words about this. but, i was happy and i know i have to and want to improve myself for this ummah.

the memories.

37. i just have to find a new pair before it's too late.

38. back to school. all the best Ali Akmal and Muhammad. i hope Muhammad won't experience negatively being compared with others in the family.

i almost write my own name. =.="

just sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo... smart.

the only elder sister left to be the writer.

unintentionally wrote ayah's name first. =.="

that's all. this is long enough i think after promised in two entries before this. i just couldn't help myself to get an update this blog before 2012 end. :)

WW8

random no. 4

actually i wanted to write a post about J.O.M only. but, after delaying delaying and delaying, the feelings of writing the post with the happy heart faded away. ^_^

28. last week, before off to the Northern Part of Peninsular Malaysia, i tried to cook something delicious. but, the result of my trial wasn't delicious. i was very frustrated. haha. i won't try over that again. it was durian crepe. what is more, after J.O.M, a friend of mine uploaded hers! her durian crepes looked ok. T_T congrats to her. huuu... pictures? i ain't gonna upload them for this entry. keep them for next entry of worldless wednesday.

29. J.O.M. what's that? stands for Journey of Muslims.

banner for the program. nice! ahah.

it's part 5 for brothers. for sisters,  it's the first one. alhamdulillah. everything went well. initially, i refused to join because this time they're going to the North. i'm studying there. so, i felt like, would it be the same? ohoh. ARROGANT me.

but, my teacher coaxed me to go. just few lines. ohoh. yeah. i'm makan pujuk jenis orang.

first three: morning from the peak of Titiwangsa to Sg. Petani
last two: dusk at Kuala Perlis

it was never the same. the journey.... personally, this journey.. how to describe... it's just... ok. meaningful. precious. ohoh.

i saw the beauty of ukhuwah there.

war museum. never be there before, even though studying in Seberang Perai.

i felt the happiness of looking at people i'd known since in the childhood walking in the path of DnT. together. yeah. my tears did gather through the journey.

the participants mostly were the juniors  from the secondary school i attended. knowing them, being with them, made the heart.. in Malay i said it perasaan semangat menggebu-gebu bahagia. like cotton candy.

i learnt so much through J.O.M. alhamdulillah. alhamdulillah. alhamdulillah.

because before i join J.O.M i felt it's like trouble (it's not because of joining the J.O.M actually.. huhu), then, i found it's the better best.. i had this phrase along the journey with me, blessing in disguise. 

30. 2 days ago. i was watching TV. it was before 6 p.m. ayah suddenly invited me to follow him to go to the durian orchard. i wanted~~ but i was reluctant because the drama i'd been following about to start. -_-" ayah said, "sampai bila tak habis tunggu cerita tu..." eheh. expected. so, ok. i went. with Junaid, Muhammad and ayah.

let's go~

walking to collect durian, i was like... i felt like going to a camping site. haha. the experience of mukhayyam (camping) in the previous July came into my mind. the orchard seems like that; jungle. ohoho.

after durians collected, i asked ayah to go near the river bank.

 ^______^ i wish i could go nearer and touch the water.

last, let's go home.

#ihavetosearchforrecordingoftoday'sMHIsinceididn'twatchthatupdatingthisblog. omg.