life is a test

He Who created Death and Life, that He may try which of you is best in deed: and He is the Exalted in Might, Oft-Forgiving;- [Al-Mulk,67:2]

i was like crying reading the list in the group on my facebook. i felt very bad. very. real bad. after all the down-to-earth events i'd attended with a cold-bloody-black-hard-heart there, i got another test.

a sister said, you chose it, take it.

another sister's words, you must bear the consequences...

yada.. after all, it's me who chose for it. no matter where is it in the rank, it's in my chosen choices.

Fighting is prescribed for you, and ye dislike it. But it is possible that ye dislike a thing which is good for you, and that ye love a thing which is bad for you. But Allah knoweth, and ye know not. [Al-Baqarah,2:216]

thinking backward. i was once had a feeling into the thing i'm trying to accept at this second. but, there are other factors that just came with all the down-to-the-mantel events affecting me.

Mitsui... she reminded me 'bout intention when i told her that i was about changing my study place. now, i'm rechecking my intention when i was writing on the A4 paper in that classroom at the top of that block. yada. my intention was dirty. my intention wasn't pure... i'd say, serve me rightio! then, NOW, self, please tajdiid ur niyyah!

last afternoon, passing the hills returning home with ummi and ayah, that place came across my mind. oh. i forgot to turn back and say, "gule gule ****! i wish that i won't return!" how i wish i could yell those words to that place. am emo.

love blinded me.

usually, at the petrol station, i won't receive a call and sometimes even open an SMS. u know the risks of doing so right? flame... burnings... any such dangerous thing! huh. but, last afternoon, i answered a call! i didn't know my real intention. but i feel relieved of it. and yet i think i was acting? the call made me smile though. hu.

this break is another estuary for me. make it like the mangrove ecosystem. estuary. be prepared for the next year. the next semester. to bear all the possibilities for the things in my dislike list. i never asked for those possibilities that has assured to be happened, but i too never put serious efforts to diminish them! once again, serve me rightio! my vito!

and i'm fear of failure.
yet, i was the one who decided to fail.

don't expect anything from human for that they would disappoint you.

cintakan bunga, bungakan layu
cintakan manusia kan pergi
cintakan ALLAH, DIA kekal abadi (abadan!)