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it's 2.30 A.M.


i can't sleep. :-s even yesterday, at this hour too, i was forcing myself to be sleeping in the bed. rolling to left. then, to the right. until i just fell asleep unconsciously. my day began with a tiring feeling since i forced my brain to sleep. yes. i found that way to sleeping is tiring. don't you? :-s

okeh. since i can't sleep, i think i should use this time to update this blog. actually, i'd planned to update after the first paper.

to compare my 'eid in zulhijjah to the previous year, alhamdulillah. this year i'd experienced the better one. :)

yeah. my entry in last year (click) didn't really describe my 'eid by words. i only uploaded two photo collages. coloured and black and white versions.

thus, in this entry... er. how to start?

i actually planned to celebrate this 'eid with my beloved usrahmate, k.mimi in her village at Bukit Tembaga. but, at the eleventh hour, i'd received a message that we'd another hour to be spent with the lecturer.......... i was... hm. pasrah is the word in Malay. what to do. hu. it's okay.

i stayed here in the campus with other friends. yeah. there're many others of my classmates, batchmates, campusmates were here in the campus. ^_^ no woes.

my classmates and i, immediately planned something to do on the day of 'eid. we went to the mall to buy groceries to cook our 'eid food. ah-ha. we planned to make Nasi Lemak for 'eid breakfast and Soto for dinner. :)

what is more, what made me so lighten up was that most of us had the excitement and desire to perform 'eid prayer this time. i was so happy. we put efforts for it. may Allah guard us from sins on the day of 'eid.

after the 'eid prayer, we brought the food we'd cooked to the TV room (where we watch TV in the hostel).

our sambal didn't have garlic. we only managed to provide hot lemon tea for ourselves. pandan leaves plucked from my hostel center yard. banana tree's leave plucked from another block of hostel backyard. and, yes. we break the college rules. ~

oh. the first thing made me felt this 'eid experience precious was that on the first night of 'eid, i heard the sounds of takbir from the campus surau. the absence of takbir sounds was one of the reasons i felt so empty in the previous year. ^_^

 if u're to ask me, why are you very concern about the takbir? urm. i don't know how to explain this with the reference of hadith or anything related to textual evidence in this deen. urm. but, in the previous year 'eidul-fitri celebration i found myself frustrated i couldn't really do the takbir on my own. and for 'eidul fitri, it's short time limit to takbir. so, i was looking forward for 'eidul-adha. b'coz after the 'eidul-adha, we've Tasyriq days. that means we've extra days for takbir on the Tasyriq days. ^_^ to hear the takbir is my excitement, at this moment. alhamdulillah. :) thus, for this year, in Malaysia, we have about 15 hours to go for 'eid takbir. :)

in the afternoon of Zulhijjah 10th, my friends received calls and SMS telling us we got some food from our beloved batchmate living in Guar Perahu. the durian crepe was very delicious!

we finished the food after 'asr. so, we assumed that was sufficient to be counted as dinner. yeah. i too was so full! and i think it's barakah that our stomach really took those food as dinner. (i didn't ask my friends regarding this, but it seemed that nobody asked for dinner at the night.) :)

we postponed the Soto plan for the next day breakfast.

our Soto. the soup got chicken flavour with no chicken! kohf. kohf. garlic... at last. ^_^ for the sambal before, we finished cooking the sambal before 'eid prayer. the garlic, we took after the 'eid prayer. hu. bergedil. can't really be called as bergedil since no meat mixed with the potato. so, i named them as potato cakes. :D

so, that's it. i think i have written the points i wanted to highlight for my 'eid in this Zulhijjah. :)

for those who asked me,

"why didn't you return to your hometown for 'eid?" 

or anything with the same meaning.

i don't have a direct answer for that inquiry. honestly. it's just my feeling i don't wanna go back. nervous for examinations is one of the feelings. urm. and this time, it doesn't have any relation to my escapism plan. :D no. it's not escapism. my sisters; Yummy, Lala and Yiba didn't return either. Ahmad, definitely wasn't coming home.

and, deep inside, i do miss home. kohf. kohf. within these two-three days, i too did feel uneasy toward ummi and ayah for not going back home. er... but, i can't promise that i will be home for next year. because i did make du'a to experience better 'eid in Zulhijjah again here. err... i did tell myself, don't expect too much and don't be too ambitious. :)

urm. in this Zulhijjah, i was disturbed by unknown numbers. :( what a test of life. within this one week, there're already two. i'm not asking for more.

urm. every time i feel i'm disturbed with those disturbance related to  ikhtilat thingy, i say this line,
"stop playing games with my heart". yeah. a line from a song by BSB. and i too will remember this quote of k.'Aisyah Amaran, 2011 - Itu dulu. Nak katanya : JAGA IKHTILAT terutama bila sesuatu "mengerumuni" hati.
and i realized that i didn't really jaga my ikhtilat currently. tett. ok. that's it.

my eyes still wide-open.

it's the morning of 'eid. Zulhijjah 10th, 1433. waiting for 'eid prayer. :)

i would like to express my gratitude to everyone who had involved in my 'eid experience this year. :) may Allah bless us.
may Allah guide us.
while we're alive.
may Allah live us with faith.
till we die.
may Allah take us while we're in the faith.
till we enter the Jannah. (amin! insya Allah)
may Allah put us in the Jannah with faith in us.
bittaufiq wannajah for the exams! :)

till then. 


zulhijjah 1433.

it's 26th October 2012; am 21 years 8 months 16 hrs old.
it's 11th Zulhijjah 1433; am 22 years 4 months old.  
yeah. i feel old. 

the early 1o days of zulhijjah...
once again... am in this campus. celebrating the 'eid with my buddies here. :)
and, alhamdulillah everything seems better than last year.
alhamdulillah. alhamdulillah. alhamdulillah.
i want to write more with pictures, but i think i left my Nikon L23 at my friend's room.
and i don't think am going to bring this blue asset of mine to hers later to stay there.
i received two calls from ummi today. ahah.
last nite, before i shut my eyes for sleep, i texted ummi and ayah to wake me up in order to ensure i'd ready at 0730 hours to drive my friends to mosque for 'eid prayer. :)

i am reading a book of Prof. Dr. Hamka (not HAMKA Kereta Mayat :p). the title of the book is 'Bohong Di Dunia'. the book is interesting. yeah. the content is what i meant earlier. that book makes me doubt myself of claiming myself as a transparent person in speaking of something. or in acting toward anything comes up in my life. because too much the ordinary actions we do in this life actually a lie. without we realising it. even the phrase 'ajak-ajak ayam' is not a positive phrase and practice.

i now decided, to improve my English language through reading, i don't want to choose novel anymore. even though i'm just fell for Cecelia Ahern which means i think am gonna read her books, next time. yeah. i like her style of writing! :) hm. or maybe this way, i'll read English novels, but i'll take those advance kids levels. this is because i now feel corrupted by books. :( same goes to Malay novels. i'll only choose the authors that i believe won't corrupt me like Noor Suraya and Imaen. ah-ha. ^_^

i think that's all for this moment. insya Allah i'll update more about my 'eid. :) the better.

let's cherish another three days with takbir and tahmid!