dear my visitors and readers

do read.
do learn something from this blog.
do comment for improvement.
hontouni arigatou! :)

20131226

random no. 10

68. before went home. after finished exam. i'd known that imma an adult. haha. yada. realized that ain't a kid that cries for being neglected and ain't young to be a participant or follower forever.

69. i had great time with teenage girls. well.. they're in early of their teen-ages. they're really testing my patience. and i learnt that there are children who will always quote their mother's to compare your actions. and they trust you as a teacher very much when it doesn't go against their mother's or daddy's.
being with them also made me feel... hmm.. well. i was the oldest that time. i was taking care of them. and i was insensitive to be concern about their health condition. imagine, they'd been suffering of diarrhea since morning, and i only knew that in the evening near dusk after being told, not out of my  observation. haihh..

70. know what... when we want to do something, and we do our best to do it and we have clear intention of doing it, we put our priority within what Allah likes and what He forbids us, masha Allah. insya Allah, He's all there for us. try to reflect our life in this year 2013. is there any events we feel it's like miracle? if we did, istighfar and say alhamdulillah. ^_^

71. driving. there are two challenges which are testing my patience and testing my egomania characteristics. for me, it's very annoying if u're on the right lane and u're not speeding up. then, it's the same if u're changing ur directions without signals. haha. i don't mind if u're overtaking me if u mind the two things i'd mentioned. =p
and i haven't finished my B2 license biz. ~_~

72. finished three novels so far after ar-raqaiq. started cahaya di atas cahaya, though. reading oki's piece triggers me to have the intention to further my studies at Ummul Qura!! hmmmm....

73. am happy. about something. because there's a reason for dia to text me. *sounds desperate, i know* but am happy.

74. am annoyed. two different events. and i have done my declaration. i am training myself to be a person who left the said things behind for something bad. if i say i wanna stop, please, leave me alone. help me to stop. u think why did i declare? bcoz i hope u understand. so, don't disturb me. u think why did i apologize? bcoz i wanna let go the bad feelings and to forget. thus, please, don't even say anything about that particular issue anymore and it's worst for me if u're trying to explain more. sorry, i would be frozen if u did. to let go and to forget because i wanna maintain our relationship and i have realized my mistakes three.

20131109

Ar-Raqa'iq.

Ar-Raqa'iq by Muhammad Ahmad Ar Rasyid. Robbani Press.

i don't know the title in English. Pelembut Hati or Penghalus Jiwa are the translation into Malay version.

i borrowed this book from my mother in my current happy circle family. :)

i finished reading this book on Muharram 1st, 1435, in the morning. alhamdulillah.

i have borrowed this book since the previous semester. he. he. well. this book is too... hmmm... it makes the feeling of the guilt of sins arouse. that makes me feels very... makes me not to deserve to do this, to do that, to live in this life (feels dirty? kinda)... nevertheless, it doesn't demotivate me till i feel like ending my life. there're hope. there're rooms of improvement.

it motivates me with faith.

faith in death. faith in the Judgement Day. faith in the paradise and the hell. 

and... along the way i was finishing the reading, what's been discussed when i sat in my happy circle were kind of coherent with my reading. we discussed about how's our prophet Muhammad s.a.w was taken care by Allah in the events of chest operations, about the alam barzakh (world in grave; the transition from world of life to the Judgement Day)...

there are many sentap-an for the soul in the book. ^_______^"

there are many sya'ir for the soul.

urm. that's all, i think.

yeah. the aim of reading the book was to soften my hard-rock heart.

and i think, the objective is achieved.

next target is to make what i read be implemented in my daily life.

life with faith. yada. that's the hard point. and am afraid. hu-hu.

i'll make some notes regarding some points i think interesting and will be something great to be shared. ^_^ insya Allah.

(yada. i have another paper for examinations. but, i found myself is kinda slacking-lazying-around-not-revising, so, it's better for me to do other things that can improve myself somewhere. hue. i mean my time won't be spent with doing nothing that is really nothing at all like sleeping excessively! T_T may Allah bless. :)

below are the pictures of some pages from the book. enjoy them with your heart. :)


the cover. 

one of the middle pages. BERJIWA BESAR.

what i understand from this, i have to know myself. certainly. what i want? what i aim? my vision? my mission? all sorts of things in me. yet, i still have uncertainties in myself. 

a check-list for self.

BUKAN MALAS. NOT LAZY. NOT BEING SLACK.


to live the life to the fullest is to live at night. hu.

night. live the night!

the beginning point. intention. intention. intention!

to be honoured with the vision and mission. 

vision and mission!

the meaningful sleep.

berkawan biar beribu.
musuh jangan dicari. 

i'll make notes under this subtopic. 

when i was reading this, i was slacking.. how to say.. that time, i actually need to revise (just like now). but, i read this book. when i read this page, the last sentence, i closed the book and immediately i started to revise. T_T afraid. 

islam - berserah diri. 

thus, i know why there're people who really like to do something that seemed to be shouldn't be in their concern, at all.

20131107

short.

just finished reading the latest update at Muharikah.wordpress.com.

okey, this evening i wanted to attend the newly-growing happy family circle, but i think i can't manage to finish my revision by tonight if i don't revise now. er. okay. i'll update this entry as fast as i can. (am robbing my own time..>.< i know.)

it's just that, i was arranging my personal cert clear holder. then, i found the receipt for registration at ae.pee.ai.you.am. omo... that moment, i told myself. i will go there** someday. in the future. in literature, perhaps? insya Allah. i'll go there. but, literature, how can i use that as a tool in the big word called D-A-K-W-A-H? >.< (i also told myself, i need to draft my personal timeline again. it's been quite a time i don't look at the big picture of my timeline...)

so, it happened that i read the update at Muharikah. yes. the highlighted-big-issue in the update is D-A-K-W-A-H.

for me to ponder and explore.

okayh.

happy revising, self!

^_^

**the address on the receipt was the one in Lembah Pantai, KL. :)

20131105

kullu 'am wa antum bikhair

new year, aite?

Muharram 1st, 1435.

1435. 1453.

^_________________________^

am initiating anti-social life.
virtually.
the first reason is because am sick.
am sick that i feel ain't contributing anything to the ummah for every update i keep on track.
am sick that i have that overly-sensitive me reading status updated.
am sick of me.
am sick of people.
the most important; am training myself to find an eternal place to hold on; by not updating status, by not uploading pictures.
by only asking for Him.

1 Nov 2013 - sayonara facebook. 
1 Muh 1435 - sayonara smartphones-social-apps. err.. exception for viber and whatsapp. heh.

1435. feeling old, meh....

okay.

self, happy revising! -________________-" 


20131028

HE knows best

thinking of the past,
there're some; full of aversion
there're some; unwanted to be remembered; embarrassing
there're some; forgotten
most of the time, i do want to forget everything.
and, yet,
sometimes, am grateful for the past.

thinking of the future,
planned; unsure
going on with the flow; unsure
unknown; unsure
and, i have the present.

i do wanna cherish the present
without tracing back to the past
without foreseeing the future
in a phrase; without worry
and, yes, worry ends when faith begins.

at some points,
the yesterdays i want to forget; because of today,
the tomorrows i am afraid of; because of today,
doubting my self; looking for the tangled parts i didn't untie and did overlook; self-checking.

unsecured.
unlovable.

finally,
to repent is the best way to mend,
to know that i live to die, 
to apologise to release the guilt,
to forgive to let go,
to live for Him, 
and,
the journey has winding ways. 

to summarise,
have faith; 
He knows best
in the past
in the present
in the future
full stop. 


20130917

a death and a newborn

September 9th, a death of a grandpa.
not my grandpa.
oh. am telling the story again.

i'm doing my teaching practice here, at the place. am staying with my partner's family. there're few others doing teaching practice at the same district with my partner and i. they rent a house nearby. in front of the house, there's a house. a sweet elderly couple were living there.
the first week or the second week, the uncle gave my friends roses. roses from the roses plants in front of his house. i took one and kept it in my record book. the uncle or the grandpa had a wife. his wife fell sick in the first few days we began our teaching practice. since my friends received the roses, i always asked the grandpa to take some. i usually take three or four roses. i dried them.
after 'Eid break, i once talked to a friend. i said that it's so sweet to see the grandpa hanging the washed clothes to dry them at the porch. ^_^ we thought about the elderly sweet couple... what if one of them gone first...?
and then, two weeks ago, when i was to accompany my friend at the house, the kind-hearted grandpa gave us some coconut juice. he plucked the coconuts himself. and i took some roses, few days later, which was on September 8th. he was at the front door. i, shy-shy cat asked for some roses again.
at the night,.... i slept tightly. in the morning, my partner read an SMS. he's gone.
i was... shocked. not to believe it. i cried.
i hadn't done any kindness toward them. T_T
in the afternoon, i went to the house. visited the grandma. she's okay. she wasn't crying. but, she did tell us she still remembers the grandpa. yeah. they lived together. only two of them. the grandpa ate with her. bought her food.... make sure she eats medicine prescribed...
i... i just took the roses...
two days ago, i stayed there. there're some roses. blooming beautifully. i don't have the heart to take them, anymore. no more...
al-fatihah.

Yesterday, September 16th, newborn of the first nephew in the family.
he was born at 12:20p.m.
that's all i knew about the baby.
the mother calls her son يوسف.
alhamdulillah.

i was so sad that tears filled up my eyes for almost every time i remember about the grandpa
i was so cheerful that i can't stop myself smiling looking the baby's picture
death
newborn
LIFE.

20130913

hi September!

bismillah...

gile banyak isu sekarang ni.

minyak.

pendidikan.

cikgu posting sabah sarawak.

tak semangat kerja.

cikgu BI tak berkelayakan.

ada defensif aku kalau nak karang, tapi...

hm. lain kali mungkin?

takut, mungkin?

habis sudah tujuh minggu bertemankan tekanan perasaan untuk impress orang.

tak mahu impress orang. tapi diminta untuk buat sesuatu untuk impress mereka.

dan aku perlu buat untuk dapat markah. ngaaaaaa.. untuk dapat markah??????????

mana tujuan utama hidup di bumi yang berbentuk sfera inii????????????

terumbang ambing.

mujahadah dalam dirilah yang belum teguh, konklusinya. cerita pendeknya begitu.

woah. seronoknya mengarang guna bahasa  melayuuu...

cita-cita.

jangan tanya pasal cita-cita.

jangan tanya kenapa disini aku belajar.

jangan tanyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...

okey. lupa.

manusia ni kena guna psikologi terbalik.

sila lah tanya pasal cita-cita. silalah tanya kenapa disini aku wujud.

sila lah tanya!

antara kesan amal dengan kehidupan.

menguji keimanan.

terasa menjauh...

program sana sini... terikat. terasa bagai dirantai.

sudah berkata ya, selepas pertimbangan faktor jarak dan janji, tidak menggantikan ya.

mencari kekuatan itu susah. susah sangat. memang tak ada sumber lain untuk kuat.

memang kembali kepada Allah jugak-jugak, jalan terbaik sampai mati.

hal sedih atas kematian, sama. sedih ada kematian, sayang, untuk meminta agar arwah baik-baik sahaja, kepada Allah jugak kena mintak. Allah yang ambil arwah kembali kan? Allah pemilik hakiki.

hal masalah antara manusia. masalah-masalah yang tidak jelas.

yang datangnya melalui deria keenam. tak nampak. tapi dirasai. ngilu gitu. Allah jugak yang membolak balikkan hati tu. hati manusia tu. kena kembali kepada Allah jugak. kena berlari memeluk indahnya do'a kepada Allah tu.

nak tak nak.

memang dari Allah kita datang, kepada Allah kita kembali.

ikatan hati yang tidak terbina selama bertahun, di mana puncanya? tak tahu.

TAK TAHU.

nak salahkan keadaan? USAHA kita banyak mana? banyak mana?????????????

nak salahkan siapa?

mencari salah, salahkan diri sendiri cara terbaik. salahkan diri untuk membuat yang terbaik.

nak tak nak.

memang dari Allah kita datang, kepada Allah kita kembali.

habis cerita.

semoga Allah ampunkan saya dan anda.

20130824

R4BIA

i'm the fourth daughter.

i admire Rabi'atul Adawiyah, too. i did read a book about her few years back. not few years... about ten years ago, perhaps. yeah. most of the content in the book; forgotten by me.

i don't like the movie 'I am Number Four'. i don't like english movies, at all.

it happened to be a significant event in islamic history, coups d'état occurred in Egypt. the place of the event named Raba'a.

the faith is islam is rising.

and ain't sure am i contributing something?

yet, felt very relieved that i did have a chance to explain to two of my friends about the issue.

am a social person. i can't sit still without meeting people.

i don't like crowd. but, people.

i can't stay on my own. thinking about my own bussiness in a room. i feel stuck. i don't want such life. the field of mine is school. but i can't make it at school. don't know why?

if months ago, i failed to do something for Gaza thru the internet.
alhamdulillah, i did something for this Raba'a. alhamdulillah.

my 4 cents. 
this maybe small.  but am proud of it.
and this is how i cure the stress in me.

if my sisters on FB updated they've done many many many 'things' with their pupils in cultivating the awareness of islam (in term of ummah issue, islam practice, etc), i.... too far behind them.

am still fighting my own self; the mad me.
am still killing me; the angry me.
am still filtering the heart; purifying the intention.
am still paving the way; to make something happen.

20130722

Nihlah.

3 years.

mukhayyam.

different themes. back to sirah.

Badar Kubra. can't remember at all what did i feel... need to flip my diaries...

Tabuk. pre-ramadhan. wasn't ready.

this year, with name of 'nihlah'. when i saw this word, i just remember one of my sister's friend. i wonder why 'nihlah'?

i asked organizer what does it mean by nihlah? ok. i need to search myself.
i found it. it means 'free gift'... but, i wonder what relies under that meaning? hu.

Nihlah. in Ramadhan. in between teaching practice phase....

alhamdulillah. alhamdulillah.

participants were divided into three groups.
each group got a story of sahabah or tabi'in.
my group got a tabi'in's story. guess who?

al-Hasan al-Yasar or well known with Hasan al-Basri.

taking 'ibrah from the story... we actually had gone through Hasan al-Basri's story in our happy circle.
there is one remarkable point for me i would like to share here.
one fact about myself, people in our happy community call it as 'anak-pak-cik-mak-cik'.
as i grow up on this path, i never understand why should sisters respond like,
"bertuahnya..."
"wahh bestnyaa...."
"beruntungnya awak!"
and there will be some expectations that i don't like because i don't like expectations in general.
because of that, i never reveal the fact unless being asked or revealed by others i had to verify. reluctantly.
i couldn't accept for some responses sounded like,
"senang pergi program..."
"senang belanja untuk program..." 
because life test is different for different human. 
i won't elaborate more about my negative respond toward the fact. 
the point of story of Hasan al-Basri that i, alhamdulillah, given the light to see what can i relate to me? 
Hasan al-Basri was born near to people who were near to Rasulullah s.a.w. 
Hasan al-Basri was named by Rasulullah's wife, Ummu Salamah. 
he grew up for 14 years with Ummul Mu'minin. he got the chance to learn from sahabah like 'Ali and Abu Hurairah (if i'm not mistaken. pls check) it's stated that he even played at Ummul Mu'minin's house that he touched the ceiling of the house. 
one of the sisters gave emphasis of this part of the story that Hasan al-Basri was very lucky to have the good condition (read: bi'ah solehah) since he was born. 
that moment, i realized and  remembered. yeah. i also was too amazed by Anas bin Malik's story that he could be with Rasulullah s.a.w. since young. 
thus, i asked myself, why do we feel that way toward sahabah
then, out of sudden, is it the same why do they respond that way toward 'anak-pak-cik-mak-cik' fact? 
......
the negative in me reduced. 
it's actually beyond the responses i mentioned above about the easiness. it's beyond that. 
as my heart pinched, i thanked Allah.
how i have overlooked all the ni'mah from Him. in my life.
i thanked Allah  for everything. everything i have denied. 

and i hope, sisters, please be positive regardless 'anak-pak-cik-mak-cik' or what. life test is different between human. we unite because of islam.

during the programme, we were asked our favourite surah in the Qur'an and our favourite sahabah

i was thinking about  al-Insyirah.. but, when others mentioned al-Insyirah, i wanted a different one. i thought  about at-Tin... then one of us mentioned at-Tin either. then, i determine in my heart for why i chose at-Tin. :) the phrase "ahsani taqwim" in the surah. :)

sahabah... okey. before that. we got our name tags. we're encouraged to write our names in Arabic. 
thus, i texted ayah because i don't know how should i spell mine. is it sad with wau? or is it sad without wau? my question to ayah, 
"ayah, when u named me, is it because of sahabiah's name or is it because of the meaning 'pure' like ahli sufi?"
ayah answered me,
"sempena nama isteri nabi sebab ayah ummi suka sangat dengan isteri nabi yang cerdik dan bijak tu :)" 

now, i know how to spell ^_^


"patutnya ada rumman kat belakang tu :)"  



i replied: "nak tukar ejaan nama dan tambah nama la nnt~"


proceed to favourite sahabah.. i was thinking about taking Safiyyah as my one because i admired Safiyyah; Rasulullah's aunt in one war. but, i once fell for Khadijah deeply heartily. he.he. one of the factor in the song, "Zammilooni"... :) so, i told the sisters, Khadijah even though others mentioned Khadijah either (because there are Khadijah for their own  names!). ^_^
but, next time, i  would say Safiyyah. since it's my name! ^_^ i will search more stories of both Safiyyah; Rasulullah's wife and Rasulullah's aunt. :) insya Allah.

indeed, may Allah forgive me in this Ramadhan. and you too.

phase 2: maghfirah.

sadaqallahul 'adzim. 

20130713

kisah kecewa di Ji'ranah.

baris-baris ayat yang ingin aku kenang:
1. Jangan pula sampai kekecewaan menyeret kita pada devisit iman dan juga devisit emosi.
2. Hanya kekuatan imanlah yang mampu menjaga kita dari penyikapan yang salah saat kecewa.
3. Jika bukan karena iman, kekuatan apa yang mampu menghadirkan kesadaran setelah kekecewaan? 

cerita penuh: http://www.pkspiyungan.org/2013/06/dari-jiranah-kita-belajar-mengelola.html

Hear Me Beat My Drum - Ramadhan Kareem!



A song for children and families celebrating Ramadan, the lunar month of fasting and worship prescribed in the Qur'an. Written and performed by Canadian singer/songwriter Dawud Wharnsby, from his 2013 poetry anthology "Colours of Islam", Illustrated by Shireen Adams and distributed by Kube Publishing (UK).

Hear Me Beat My Drum
(words and music:D.Wharnsby)

The rhythm of your breathing is so soft,
as you lay up in your beds so sweetly dreaming.
Through your windows, smells of bread and sounds of drumming drift and waft,
to fill your nose and ear,
and tell you that the dawn is near.

Wrapped up like baked pastries in your sheets,
I know you're tucked away so warm and cozy.
There's tea, and dates and sweets, a suhur party in the streets,
so get up out of bed!
Come and greet the day ahead!

Hear me beat my drum, as down your street I come.
The moon is falling, I am calling,
to wake you for the day that's on her way.
Get yourselves out of bed, before the night is gone,
to welcome a new day of Ramadan.

Our busy little lives can make us crazy,
and it's so easy to get stuck in a routine.
Doing everything the same way everyday can make us lazy,
so let's take control today,
live our lives in a new way.

So wake up! Stop you're dreaming.
Let us wake the neighbourhood,
to share in all that's good, the pots of ful are steaming,
let's break our dull routine,
let all the world join in the scene.

Hear me beat my drum,
as down your street I come.
The moon is falling, I am calling,
to wake you for the day that's on her way.
Get yourselves out of bed, before the night is gone,
to welcome a new day of Ramadan.

"Hear Me Beat My Drum"
from the book/CD "Colours of Islam"
by Dawud Wharnsby
Illustrated by Shireen Adams
Kube Publishing 2013
www.wharnsby.com
www.kubepublishing.com

"Hear me Beat My Drum was written back in 2006 while I was living in Damascus. How beautiful to have observed Ramadan in that historic city ~ awakened each morning by a joyful drummer in the streets below. I dedicate this song to the people of Syria in their ongoing struggle against oppression."
- D.Wharnsby,
July 9, 2013

20130623

all i need.




YOU SET ME FREE
HELPED ME TO SEE
OF EVERY GIFT YOU GAVE TO ME
YOUR LOVE IS ALL I NEED
YOUR LOVE IS ALL I NEED

(URDU)
AYE SANAM NOORI
OH MY EFFULGENT BELOVED
TUJSE KAISEE DOOREE
WHY SHOULD THERE BE A DISTANCE
JENE KO TEREE
TO LIVE ALL IS SUFFICIENT
ROSHANEE ZAROORE 

THE NEED OF YOUR LIGHT


PLEASE SHOW ME,
YOUR MERCY
YOU CAN TAKE THE STARS FROM THE SKIES ABOVE
YOU CAN TAKE THE SEAS, THE AIR I BREATHE, YOUR LOVE IS ALL I NEED
YOU CAN TAKE THE SUN, THE EARTH BENEATH, ‘CAUSE YOU’RE THE ONE I NEED
YOUR LOVE IS ALL I NEED

YOU SPOKE TO ME
GAVE ME BELIEF
SURROUNDED IN A WORLD OF GREED
YOUR LOVE IS ALL I NEED

(PERSIAN)
LAHSEHA PAYA PAY
MOMENTS, ONE AFTER ANOTHER
TAY MISHE DAMA DAM
PASS ONE BY ONE
MIRESE VAKHTE
REACHES THE TIME
DIDAR KAM KAM, DIDAR KAM KAM
TO SLOWLY MEET, TO SLOWLY MEET

PLEASE SHOW ME
YOUR MERCY
YOU CAN HAVE THE STARS FROM THE SKIES ABOVE
YOU CAN HAVE THE SEAS, THE AIR I BREATHE, YOUR LOVE IS ALL I NEED
TAKE AWAY THE SUN, THE EARTH BENEATH, YOUR LOVE IS ALL I NEED
YOUR LOVE IS ALL I NEED

YOU SET ME FREE
HELPED ME TO SEE
OF EVERY GIFT YOU GAVE TO ME
YOUR LOVE IS ALL I NEED
YOUR LOVE IS ALL I NEED

(TURKISH)
VURGUNUM SANA
STRUCK ON YOU
ASLA VAZGECMEM
I WOULD NEVER GIVE UP (LOVING YOU)
KALBIMDE SEN VARSIN
YOU ARE THE ONE IN MY HEART
ASKINDAN DONMEM
I CAN’T TURN AWAY FROM YOUR LOVE
ASLA TERK ETMEM
NEVER COULD I ABANDON YOU

PLEASE SHOW ME
YOUR MERCY
YOU CAN HAVE THE STARS FROM THE SKIES ABOVE
YOU CAN HAVE THE SEAS, THE AIR I BREATHE, YOUR LOVE IS ALL I NEED
YOU CAN HAVE THE SUN, THE EARTH BENEATH, YOUR LOVE IS ALL I NEED
YOUR LOVE IS ALL I NEED

PLEASE SHOW ME, YOUR MERCY
YOUR LOVE IS ALL I NEED
YOUR LOVE IS ALL I NEED
‘CAUSE YOUR LOVE IS ALL I NEED
TO BE ALL I CAN BE
AND I KNOW THAT YOU SEE
HOW MUCH YOU MEAN TO ME

Music by Sami Yusuf
English words by Will Knox & Sami Yusuf
Urdu words by Mehboob
Turkish words by M. Demirci
Persian words by Ustadh Babak Radmanesh
Produced by Sami Yusuf

20130620

june 14th.

what happened on June 14th was that, i took JPJ test for the second time in my life.

i wasn't so nervous initially. hm. this time, the test for B2.

but, all the way through taking the test, i have this BIG QUESTION in my mind,

why am i taking this?

why am i doing this?

for the D-license, i have concrete, strong and relevant reasons for taking it.

for B2, i can't find a reason that can make me feel blessed.

yada, even ummi and ayah were reluctant to give me the permission taking the license for B2. yea, i have the thought of not being blessed by them taking this one.

the test consists of two parts. i failed the part where we have to go through a bridge? okey. it's 'titi'. i was almost pass that part, but before i pass, my left leg touched the ground. there it went, this is bad.

the BIG QUESTION haunted me. it haunted me together with a frustration inside.

yeah. i know. turn to Allah. u would say, aite?

so far, the D-license have caused me to contribute so much things to people around me. and am grateful for that.

therefore, i ain't giving up for B2. i'm halfway already. i'll end it sweetly, may Allah allow it to happen. i hope, this fate of B2 with me promising me a 'useful' me in the future.

and, it's 11/08/1434. 18 or 19 days toward Ramadhan.

am saying this to my very own self,

kullu sanah wa antum ilallahi aqrab!
am older. should be wiser.


 and yet, i once wished to go for a B license. end.

and one of my beloved updated her blog, i would take her entry as a special entry for me. heee. since it's special for me, here you go, something special to be shared with you:
http://kasehtania.blogspot.com/2013/06/final-exam-sem-2-1213.html 

20130615

this path...

Aku ingat pertama kali kita bertemu,
hatiku berdesir, bergetar melebihi biasanya

Kubisikkan pelan-pelan dalam hati..
..semoga rasa ini bertahan selamanya
Hingga kelak kita berakhir di tempat yang dijanjikan Allah untuk kita

Aku ingat hari-hari berat yang kita lalui,
perdebatan-perdebatan antara siapa yg harus mengalah
Rasa kesal yang membuncah,
pun sampai rasa tidak percaya yang mulai berkuasa

Tapi semua selalu berakhir,
dengan aku yang kembali menggenggam tanganmu mesra
Sadar bahwa, hidupku tanpamu tak akan sama
Sadar bahwa, kau adalah anugrah terbaik yang bisa aku minta pada Allah

Kau yang mengubahku dari seonggok daging bergerak tak bermakna
Menjadi sebenar-benarnya manusia,
Mengajarkanku bahwa hidup ini bukan tentang AKU semata

Kau yang membantuku mengkristalkan banyak hikmah
Dibalik senyum dan nestapa, disela-sela musibah

Kau, anugrah Allah bernama Tarbiyah
Aku ingin Menua, membangun istana syurga, menghembus penghujung nyawa
Dengan kita yang tetap seperti ini, sejalan seirama :’)
credit:
http://www.pkspiyungan.org/2013/05/pks-anugerah-terindah-darinya.html
 
so, i found this piece.... 
am searching for a place for solitude, yet shooting and boosting me to be something. somebody. 
but, so far, when i asked people around me, my beloved, all of them offered me something that needs me to offer something to them. ohoh. i was like... uh-uh? 
i'm searching something for me, and others are asking something from me? that just made me to wake up. 
maybe, am too 'old' on this path to ask from others to get something for myself, in that way. 
thus, i need to be that strong. i need to be that beneficial. because there're lots of others need me. 
again, am typing the sentence here, to be strong, i need to ask from the ONE who's STRONG, ALLAH. 

20130614

inbox.

i've subscribed many many many tooo many things using my hotmail ID.
it's full now. with many useful and beneficial materials for me here and after, insya Allah.
all i need to do is to digest everything. >.<
my yahoo! inbox, full of spam e-mails. rarely be there.
yesterday i just realised there's a request for e-mail address. for my main bussiness here. i gave my gmail ID. since my gmail is still clean. hu.
hm.
i'll update about the test later, insya Allah.

i love hotmail inbox.
many things to be read. from muharikah, my little pencil, PKS Piyungan, ProductiveMuslim, TES, Wiley Library... i need to check my time used. too many time wasted in these two years, lately.

20130611

random no. 9

61.
Walau hujan badai kan terus melanda
Walau amuk gelombang tak henti menerjang
Walau terang mencegah, walau mentari kan membakar
Jangan letih menapaki kehidupan

Ujian bagaikan terik sinar sang surya...
Hadir kedunia bersama berjuta karunia...
Janganlah bertekuk lutut dalam pelukan putus asa...
janganlah bersimpuh dihadapan duka...

hadapilah segala tantangan...
sambutlah harimu dengan suka cita...
hadapilah segala ujian...
dalam kesulitan pasti ada kemudahan...


by: shoutul harokah

my credit goes to that person who just returned from 'Amman. he keeps playing this song and his alarm is this song!


62.
went to Zoo Negara with Ahmad, Muhammad and 'Ali. with my 'uniform' usually i wear at home or in personal transport. when i said i'm selekeh, that Ahmad replied, "all Islam asks to cover 'aurah..." okay! ha-ha. dush!

i found it's not interesting to go to zoo.

but, while eating ice cream with Muhammad and 'Ali before we went back, i was thinking about the zoo.

yeah. i found that actually i can do something that make me a better servant to Allah.
zoo means plenty of Allah's creatures. all the beautiful. all the cute. all the wild. all the big and tall animals! how proud was i....

and yeah. i actually should observe what's in the zoo.
children and zoo are familiar. am going to be with children, ain't i? that forgotten and proud me again...

in a conclusion, think before i feel. i've wasted my time at the zoo without doing something meaningful! :'(

and am sorry to Muhammad and 'Ali that i didn't bring my camera and didn't ask from Ahmad his camera to snap some pictures of you both! bad sister. 

63.
it's about passion. 8 hours journey. i didn't realise that it's more than two hours! :)
"weren't you afraid or scared?"
"eh? afraid? scared? of what?"
"if you took wrong road..."
"no.... we can turn around if we took wrong road..."

ngeeeeeeeeeeeee. and i'm a morning person.


64.
my lovely bluish sentimental the second was sick.
"operating system can't be found"

i was just... okay.... 

then, sent it to the place where i took it.

after returned from Selangor, it's at ayah's place.

turned it on.

huh? okey. nothing inside.  okay. restless.

no sentimental pictures.
no sentimental values.

yes, i don't have external hard disk! +.+

i was like.... it took me quite a time to get my feet back on the ground with a heart and soul.

later, this thought came into my brain.

you get it back with nothing inside. it's like purifying. doesn't it? you can restart all over again. reinstall all the good stuff for your soul. don't give a dirt into it. you should download Omar Series! Fetih! ehe. you can search again all the ebooks for your soul. won't you? still remember when you lost that Nokia? you have the pros for losing it, right? please, lighten your spirit!! you're not nothing here.


65.
MyGMJ.

cousins; E, Luq, bro in law; abe Syim, Momo, Aman

Masjid Negeri, Shah Alam
things i got... the third brooch i bought since i've lost it twice.

maybe, flashmob.. maybe. haha



credit: Ahmad's blackberry. :P


66.
today. less than 24 hours - time at home. hee. about 24 hours Junaid has gone to his hostel. i miss him. hahah. Junaid!
days with the five younger bros. growing up to be taller and bigger than me.
am losing my appetite. kohf2. it's okey. after nine days, i'll be back. insya Allah! heh.
the best excuse; i've to see the doctor!! =p


67.
school.
something i can't describe with words.
but, i really want to do something. i need to do something. regardless all the trouble i'd known.

20130603

random no. 8

55.
"let's go to Borneo at the end of this year.."

"woah.. okey.. how much do we need?"

"save about RM*** to RM***..."

"seriously? urm... insya Allah.. we'll see..."


56.
"go buy a smartphone, dear!! it's a need."

"hehe.. i will.. i will... insya Allah.."


57.
"i think i'm going to umrah at the end of this year.."

"urm... that need thousands... who do you wanna bring?"

"hm... i don't know..."


58.
"i wanna buy a smartphone, soon.."

"okay. save your money..."

"can u add some?"

"you can take from another account of yours..."

"do i have much in that account? i don't think so... hueee"

"still can be used to add some.. would be sufficient..."


59.
someone updated her status. i don't like the content of the status. since i know i'm the one who's closely related to the status, it reminded me of what had happened about eight years ago. i asked her to delete. -_- it's better that way.


60.
"what kind of book is Anthem?"

"huh? where is it?" *looking at her hand, Velvet di Durham!!!*

"in the living area.... in the Jemari Seni's plastic bag..."

"hmm... about school students..." in heart, 'sending things without notice, but sarcastic status are not nice, dude.'

20130601

Random no. 7

46. spendthrift. i am. T_T nevermind. today, ayah stopped at a shoes shop to buy new one for himself. then, i remember that i need a new pair of slipper to use for toilet business at hostel, so i went into the shop with ummi ayah and Muhammad. he. he. then, i just looked around. there is stock clearance....hehe. i took one pair of formal shoes worth RM10. haha. well, physically the shoes doesn't seem very new. well. old-stock? never mind. at the end, Muhammad bought one pair of slipper for him like my two pairs! haha.

47. today, i just found that UEFA is going to put Israel in the list. erm. i dunno how to explain this issue, but i understand the issue. if Israel got its name in the list, it seems like the world recognizes it as a country. seemed legal. the truth is Israel robbed Palestine! you may read more in inminds.com.and i was touched to see everyone beyond the race and religion are letting their voices out for Palestine.

48. speaking of Palestine, there'll be a program in this country!!


i do feel like going. but, hmmm.... we'll see. huhu. last year i couldn't join them. i can't remember why, maybe because i was in the campus. but this year, i can see the opportunity with 30% possibility. if you live near Shah Alam, just, please join the people!!


49. Closer and closer to mankind comes their Reckoning: yet they heed not and they turn away.
[Al-anbiya', 21:1]

50. today, we're waiting for Ahmad to arrive home. i was laying on the bed. trying to take a nap. "Gahh!!"
okey. he's arrived. he laughed at our home gate. use remote control everything, but rongak! haha. still can be entered by person.

51. not feeling good to update my goodreads. i think it's near 30 books already i've read. hm.

52. i told Junaid about UEFA - Israel. Junaid replied me why bother? let Israel be in the list. ummi was listening to our conversation. ummi said that Junaid doesn't understand the issue, yet. hmmm.....

53. a reply to an SMS is meaningful eventhough it's just a - :) - or just an - OK - or just a - TQ - appreciate the people sending u an SMS, furthermore if the sender have done u a favour. *me either often reluctant to reply an SMS when we know it's the end of the topic. hee.

54. bringing Muhammad and Ali to a programme... Ali as the participant. Muhammad as my little brother. Muhammad - spoiled, pampered. thanks to the brothers for their favour at the dorm.
Ali - felt threatened by Muhammad, always asked Muhammad to get out of the programme-causing Muhammad to find me with teary eyes. -_- 

20130525

lapar.

ahaha. x leh blah punya tajuk.

okey.

this sem break, am restless and reckless. helpless either. 0.o

just now, i was hungry. so, i decided to search for any burger stall by the road side. then, i would like to eat the burger watching something exciting. haha. like mat rempit racing on the road without concerning other road users and red traffic lights. or river cruise at Kelantan River << very ridiculous at such hour.

after bought a double burger, i went to the main city. along the way, i had thought if nothing interesting there, i would go to WCY. maybe i could enjoy shopping scenes there. heh.. as i turned right, near the dental clinic, woahhha... cars. okey. something is happening in the stadium. absolutely. i SMS my friend, K. Wa. haha.

i could see youngsters standing-laying-against-sitting on the steel bar. i stopped beside the cars parked there. lowing the volume of the radio. took my burger. open the window as narrow as possible but could allow the noise in the stadium to come in.

"Ayuh ayuh ayuh kelateku malam ini kita mesti menang!"

haha. full of spirit. yes. i enjoyed listening to the cheers. watching the young boys-to-men raising their hands up with the flags muffler everything to show their support.

i think, i want to experience watching one soccer match of TRW... but, ... i don't like crowds. arr... maybe someday. i can follow my brothers. hee...

urm... near the stadium, there is a hospital. hu.

there might be situations like:

stadium: one team won the game and one team lose the game.

hospital: innalillahi wa inna ilaihi roji'un. or welcome to the world, baby!

^_____________^

hm. another thing, after about one month i neglected my blogs, i feel like giving up my blogs. all. but, ahha. i still can't. because my blogs are where i spill what i can't in the FB and i feel like sharing, badly. hee..!

i'd quit plurk for 2 months. not thinking seriously to join twitter or any such things.

i lived without internet about 1 week and half. i feel like deactivating FB. haha. for good. for-ever. but, maybe after i grad i can do that. just 1 year and half to go.

ok. overlapping activities.

jaa.

20130509

Dirimu Memang Tangguh

"Dirimu Memang Tangguh"

Dulu engkau tangguh
Kenapa sekarang luluh?
Sudahlah, jangan mengaduh,
Hidup memang lumrah begitu.

Kesulitan itu aksesoris hidup,
dia kadang mengepung,
menjelma bagai elang,
menyeringai garang,
mencengkram tajam menghujam.
Dan engkau,
engkau bagai pipit kecil
dikepung raksasa-raksasa lapar.
Pucat pasi.
Ingin berlari.
Sembunyi.

Sayapmu mungkin kecil
Paruhmu mungil
Cakarmu kerdil
Dan
Nyalimu menggigil!
Tapi,
Ketahuilah!
Kekuatan itu bukan pada realitas fisikmu,
bukan pula di aksesoris tubuhmu.
Melainkan pada motivasi di dadamu,
yang lahir  dari keberserahan pada Allah-mu
Berserahmu itulah sahabat,
yang akan menjelma kekuatan,
yang membuat Daud kecil menyungkurkan Jalut,
yang membantu Musa menenggelamkan Fir’aun,
yang menegarkan Hajar di tandus Makkah,
yang meneguhkan Bilal di himpitan batu Umayyah
Kekuatan yang akan membuat ke-pipit-anmu menjelma rajawali.
Tangguh, teguh, kukuh, tak kenal aduh!
Berserahlah sahabat….
Pada Kekuatan yang menjagamu
Bukan menyerah
Pada kesulitan yang mengepungmu.
Tegakkan!
Kepalkan!
Hancurkan!
Sampai rintangan itu terjungkal di hadapanmu!

Karena kutahu: Dirimu memang tangguh!

sumber: http://www.pkspiyungan.org/2013/05/kutahu-dirimu-memang-tangguh-kader-pks.html

20130503

smoky love?





smokers.
you don't love people around you when you smoke freely near them.

you lie. truly lie.
if you say you love them, at the same time you're smoking there.

LIARs.

and you know the facts of being a smoker and your effects toward others.

UBAH!!! ini kalilah, bro!

**i'll be rather disappointed that i people i look up to are smokers. that's so s**t. oh. tercemar blog saya. 


20130413

20130311

to taste the honey...

i once wrote these lines,


i ask myself,
was i really mujahadah over my desire?
am i really mujahadah over my wants?
will i be a real mujahidah?
mujahadah is not a word for jokes
once i say i want to mujahadah
it means i have to fight my own self
i have to go over my mind
i will hate my own self,
pray hard. try hard.
die hard to be a mujahidah, self.



mujahadah.

i found myself have some points that i really can't easily go through them when i need to fight them.

it was... in February. today is someone's birthday. okayru. merapu.

it just that, mujahadah is not that easy.

mujahadah begins in the mind. in the heart.

mind and heart must be clean and clear.

and it's true, only if we really do it for Allah, that's the best cure for the bitterness of being in mujahadah mode.

all this while, i questioned myself for things i left. for things i took. for things i did.
i was in such a sad and confused situation. it's blur. it didn't seem so wrong to continue and it did cause something wrong somewhere at times. syubhah. that, when i look at the mirror, the misery look in my eyes, i remember about intention. and that's it, the moment my eyes slowly shone with a smile cracked on my face. that's where the sweetness combined with the bitterness.


"Love will make you a slave. Be careful what you love"
(Yasmin Mogahed) ♥
 

20130309

of DCs no. 4








google did make my day. ha-ha


20130303

Tanggungjawab ilmiah

Oleh Musyafa Ahmad Rahim


Rasulullah SAW menjelaskan bahwa seorang ilmuwan muslim mempunyai tanggung jawab, dan ia akan dimintai pertanggung jawaban atas ilmu yang dimilikinya.

Rasulullah SAW bersabda:

عَنْ أَبِي بَرْزَةَ الأَسْلَمِيِّ، قَالَ: قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ: «لَا تَزُولُ قَدَمَا عَبْدٍ يَوْمَ القِيَامَةِ حَتَّى يُسْأَلَ عَنْ عُمُرِهِ فِيمَا أَفْنَاهُ، وَعَنْ عِلْمِهِ فِيمَ فَعَلَ، وَعَنْ مَالِهِ مِنْ أَيْنَ اكْتَسَبَهُ وَفِيمَ أَنْفَقَهُ، وَعَنْ جِسْمِهِ فِيمَ أَبْلَاهُ» (رواه الترمذي، وقال : هَذَا حَدِيثٌ حَسَنٌ صَحِيحٌ 

Dari Abu Barzah Al-Aslami, ia berkata: Rasulullah SAW bersabda: “Tidak bergeser kedua telapak kaki seorang hamba pada hari kiamat sehingga ia ditanya tentang umurnya; dalam hal apa ia menghabiskannya,  tentang ilmunya; dalam hal apa ia berbuat, tentang hartanya; dari mana ia mendapatkannya dan dalam hal apa ia membelanjakannya, dan tentang pisiknya; dalam hal apa ia mempergunakannya”. (HR At-Tirmidzi, dan ia berkata: “Ini hadits hasan shahih”, hadits no. 2417).

DR. Yususf Al-Qaradawi menjelaskan: ada tujuh sisi tanggung jawab seorang ilmuwan muslim, yaitu:

1 - مَسْؤُوْلٌ عَنْ صِيَانَتِهِ وَحِفْظِهِ حَتَّى يَبْقَى

2 - وَمَسْؤُوْلٌ عَنْ تَعْمِيْقِهِ وَتَحْقِيْقِهِ حَتَّى يَرْقَى

3 - وَمَسْؤُوْلٌ عَنِ الْعَمَلِ بِهِ حَتَّى يُثْمِرَ

4 - وَمَسْؤُوْلٌ عَنْ تَعْلِيْمِهِ لِمَنْ يَطْلُبُهُ حَتَّى يَزْكُوَ

5 - وَمَسْؤُوْلٌ عَنْ بَثِّهِ وَنَشْرِهِ حَتَّى يَعُمَّ نَفْعُهُ

6 - وَمَسْؤُوْلٌ عَنْ إِعْدَادِ مَنْ يَرِثُهُ وَيَحْمِلُهُ حَتَّى يَدُوْمَ اِتِّصَالُ حَلَقَاتِهِ، وَقَبْلَ ذَلِكَ كُلِّهِ

7 - مَسْؤُوْلٌ عَنْ إِخْلَاصِهِ فِيْ عِلْمِهِ للهِ حَتَّى يَقْبَلَهُ مِنْهُ
  1. Bertanggung jawab dalam hal memelihara dan menjaga ilmu, agar ilmu tetap ada (tidak hilang).

  2. Bertanggung jawab dalam hal memperdalam dan meraih hakekatnya, agar ilmu itu menjadi meningkat.

  3. Bertanggung jawab dalam mengamalkannya, agar ilmu itu berbuah.

  4. Bertanggung jawab dalam mengajarkannya kepada orang yang mencarinya, agar ilmu itu menjadi bersih (terbayar zakatnya).

  5. Bertanggung jawab dalam menyebarluaskan dan mempublikasikannya agar manfaat ilmu itu semakin luas.

  6. Bertanggung jawab dalam menyiapkan generasi yang akan mewarisi dan memikulkan agar mata rantai ilmu tidak terputus, lalu, terutama, bahkan pertama sekali.

  7. Bertanggung jawab dalam mengikhlaskan ilmunya untuk Allah SWT semata, agar ilmu itu diterima oleh Allah SWT.


    - PKS Piyungan

20130302

it was just another birthday.

it was just another birthday.
and i found it's better to have it on weekend-days. ;o

i did remember most of my friends' or people-around-me's birthdays.
it's just after i found that there are other important matters rather than birthdays and being busy till that i just couldn't resist myself sending birthday wish to others.

still, birthdays are one of important point to build rapport with others. isn't it?

it was just another birthday.
the age increased in number, annually.
the age increases at every second, doesn't it? we just do not realize.

it was just another birthday.
one of the best wishes was to be gathering in the heaven. :,)

it was just another birthday.
when someone mentioned about the past that i was trying to deny.

it was just another birthday.
i failed to finish my work.

it was just another birthday.
i had a full-day. hectic. i just took that as the way to enjoy it on weekdays.

it was just another birthday.
that on the night before the date, i spoke about death.
i met my beloved sisters in the circle.

it was just another birthday.
Lala and Aman updated their status wishing me birthday.

it was just another birthday.
without full inbox of prayers.

it was just another birthday.
i can't help myself to not feel sad.

it was just another birthday.
i was hoping to be awake before my time of birth.

it was just another birthday.
anyways.

:')
:')

20130225

تملي معاك

تملي معاك ولو حتى بعيد عني في قلب هواك
تملي معاك تملي فبالي وبقلبي ولا بنساك تملي وحشني لو حتى بكون وياك

تملي حبيبي بشتقلك تملي عيني بتندهلك ولو حولي تقل الكون بكون يا حبيبي محتجلك

تملي معاك معاك قلبي معاك روحي يا اغلى حبيب يا اغلى حبيب ومهما تكون بعيد عني لقلب برئ
يا عمري الجاي والحاضر يا اغلى نصيب

I'm always with you
Even if you are far from me your love is in my heart
I'm always with you always on my mind and in my heart
And I'll never forget you

I always miss you even if I am with you
I always long for you my darling
My eye always calls for you
And if the weight of the universe were upon me
I would still, my darling, need you
Always with you, my heart is with you, my soul is with you
Oh most precious darling oh most precious darling
No matter how far you are from me you are close to my heart
Oh my coming and present live oh most precious destiny

- عمرو دياب

_________________________________________